7 year old daughter newly diagnosed. I'm overwhelmed and need help.

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This topic contains 10 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by  Coco84 2 months, 3 weeks ago.

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  • #116780

    Coco84
    Participant

    My beautiful 7 year old daughter has been diagnosed with Inattentive ADHD. She’s been struggling with school since kindergarten. On top of this, she has an IEP for expressive/receptive language delay (she’s been in speech since kindergarten). I feel so overwhelmed. I feel like I don’t know how to help her. She hates school and I understand the reason behind that… every day is a struggle to get her to school, lately she’s been trying to leave the school campus because school is “too hard”. The school denied her for any extra tutoring help because she doesn’t have a “disability”. She does do better with school work when she’s one on one… but gets lost easily in the classroom. We haven’t tried medication because I want that as a last resort. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

  • #116807

    WeCanDoThis
    Participant

    What accomodations was she given in her IEP to help with her ADHD symptoms? Getting a good IEP in order would be a good start. My daughter hated school too, we pulled her after a miserable year in K, before we even had a diagnosis or imagined that would be on our radar. We’ve been homeschooling for 1st and now 2nd. It’s HARD but at least I know she’s safe and happy and learning. I’m not sure tutoring would help your daughter especially if it’s after school because by that time, she is just done and needs to be home. Instead I’d find fun engaging things she can do at home to reinforce her learning, for example my daughter loves the website Prodigy for math.

    • #116861

      Coco84
      Participant

      So far, nothing has changed with her IEP. The school said because this has come up at the end of the year, they won’t make any modifications or even evaluate her for anything extra until the next school year begins. Right now she gets Speech for Expressive/Receptive delay, 20 minutes twice a week and she has come a long way. I was hoping to get her approved for in school tutoring, but she was denied. She’s incredibly intelligent and working with her one on one is much easier, still takes a lot of reminding for her to do her homework or reading, but she does do it. The classroom setting is the problem. She doesn’t hear much of what the teacher is saying, then gets lost easily. Her teacher has been wonderful, but one teacher for 22 children isn’t enough. She does what she can. My husband and I both work so homeschooling really isn’t an option for us… I was looking into private or charter schools but I hear there could be issues there as well. I’m just stuck. Thank you for your response and encouragement.

  • #116825

    Angelacawein
    Participant

    First of all, I feel for both of you. It is heart breaking when you have a child that hates school. My daughter, she is 8 years old was diagnosed at the end of the school year last year. She had been struggling since kindergarten and hated school. I had a heck of a time getting her to school. She didn’t want to go, said she was sick, cried, had melt downs, ect… I have a lot of experience with ADHD children, both types and I knew she had it. She started taking Adderall right before the last grading period last year. She brought her grades from almost failing to making the A-B honor roll. Her second grade year, she has made the honor roll all year. All A’s and 1 B. She went from hating school to wanting to go to school even on the weekends. She is upset that there is a summer break. Go figure. Not sure how things will be with her this summer but plan on keeping her busy. I do understand not wanting to give medication to a young child, I felt the same way. I am not a doctor but just from what you have said, I really feel she would do so much better with medication. It would be a small dose, like 5 mg and see if things improve. You can always quit taking it but worth a try.

    • #116862

      Coco84
      Participant

      Thank you for your response! So nice to hear I’m not alone! I’ve been seriously looking into medication. I feel like if she’s struggling to pick up the basics, how am I (or the school) going to get things through to her? She gives up before she even tries and nine times out of ten she can do the work or reading I’ve asked her to do (with reluctance of course). She’s doesn’t know or understand her potential and that hurts. Thank you again for your response😊

  • #116833

    Penny Williams
    Keymaster

    There’s a lot to think about once your child is diagnosed with ADHD, but you can’t tackle it all at once. Treatment should be your first focus, then moving to adjusting your parenting and working on improving behavior and other challenges.

    The Ultimate ADHD Road Map for Parents

    Penny
    ADDitude Community Moderator, Parenting ADHD Trainer & Author, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism

    • #116863

      Coco84
      Participant

      Thank you for the article you posted! I need to contact her pediatrician and get her involved as well. I honestly never thought of that. Hopefully she has some ideas or information on medications for us. Makes me so sad seeing my daughter struggle. Thank you again.

  • #116901

    Penny Williams
    Keymaster

    As far as the school goes, it sounds like you need some help getting the services your daughter deserves (and that are her right under the law). I would recommend that you find an educational advocate. They know the law well, and schools usually take them a lot more seriously than they take parents (sadly).

    With gratitude,
    Penny

    • #117194

      Coco84
      Participant

      Yes, definitely. I talked with my daughter’s teacher again yesterday, she mentioned she had talked to the VP again about my daughters issues with the inattentiveness… they(the school), seem to be missing my and the teacher’s point of: yes, my daughter is incredibly intelligent and does amazingly with school work when she’s one on one, she gets lost in a group setting when there’s multi step problem solving involved. I just wanted a little bit of in school tutoring for her, but they denied her saying she doesn’t have a “learning disability”. Basically they’ll let her get 3 grades behind before they will intervene. So frustrating!!!

  • #117304

    movnon
    Participant

    Your situation sounds very similar to mine 6 years ago. My now 12 year old son was diagnosed at age 3 with a Speech and Language Delay, so he entered Kdg. already having an IEP in place but at the transition IEP, pre school into kdg, they were wanting to lower his therapy to 30 minutes/week – 15 minutes twice a week, at the time he was receiving 120 minutes a week. Since I had been through this process before with my older 3 children I stood my ground and kept pushing and they did end of “giving in” and he was to receive 90 minutes/week – honestly this was only after I stated that I would be taking him out of school then 2 times a week for private speech therapy if they could not improve on the 30 minutes.
    Over the next year I saw my son struggling, at home he would do okay going over homework with me or redoing something he rushed through at school, but it got me thinking and asking myself why was he “getting it” when it was just him and I working together. I realized at home he was able to ask me the questions he had about the directions he wasn’t understanding right away. Where in class there wasn’t the time for the teacher to sit down with just him and help him understand exactly what was expected on each assignment. And when I really thought about this and it hit me like a ton of bricks, his diagnosis of R/E Language was playing the factor in the class setting. He could read or hear the directions over and over but because of his diagnosis he needed help understanding or breaking down the words so he could complete the assignments. I brought this up with his Speech Pathologist and his IEP was modified to receive that extra help. Fast forward 5 years and we were on our way into middle school and the dreaded transitional IEP was looming. I was nervous because I’d heard stories of how hard it could be to get the help he needed as a middle schooler. The day came and my fears came true – his grades were on track and the new teachers (whom only knew him on paper) thought it didn’t look like he needed all the help. I explained to them the reason he was doing so well was because of the extra help. Mid meeting they were agreeing to have him put into Class within a Class settings for English, Science and Social Studies…not Math because his diagnosis was Language based. Again I dug my heels in and tried explaining that Math has to do with language just as much as anything else. You have the directions that express to you how to solve a problem…there are word problems…and with the “new” math that is being taught you sometimes have to write sentences about how you got the answer to a problem. He did get in the CWC math class but his elementary speech therapist had to reword a few things to make that happen.

    These IEP meetings can be very intimidating – the language used is not in layman terms and the amount of educators sitting in the meeting with you is overwhelming. I have been fortunate that things have worked out over the years in my sons favor but if you’re doing everything you can in these meetings for your daughter(and I know you are) I highly recommend bringing an advocate with you to the next IEP. I look at these meetings like this – We’re signing a legal document to improve and help are children be the best they can be with possibly zero to little educational background in Speech Pathology or the Legal Field, so having someone there that knows the laws and understands what your wanting before going into the meeting is a huge PLUS!

    I apologize for how long this ended up being but I wanted you to know it can be done. Insist on the extra testing by the district and if they refuse find a way to get private testing done. I hope all goes well and the outcome you are looking for is achieved. Good luck!!

    • #117392

      Coco84
      Participant

      Thank you for sharing your story. I’m completely overwhelmed. Our next IEP meeting isn’t until September or early October, but I’m definitely going to look into an advocate to help me at these meetings. I’m also looking to get her a private tutor this summer; hopefully she’ll be ahead of the game a little bit when school started back up again. Did you put any of your kids on medication?

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