47 yr old alleged ADHD spouse needs help

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This topic contains 7 replies, has 8 voices, and was last updated by  ADDLobstah 1 month, 3 weeks ago.

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  • #99523

    add_soouse
    Participant

    Hi,
    I’m a 47 yr old Spouse and have been labeled sick/ADHD by my loving wife. These r some facts.
    1. I constantly forgot to make payments of cards on time
    2. I didn’t teach my kids
    3. I tried to do a few businesses which didn’t work out
    4. I have looked but not found any work for last 10 years
    5. Haven’t done any Activity consistently with kids and myself
    6. Highly disorganized and can’t priortisze

    Are these signs of an ADHD person

  • #99532

    addled
    Participant

    Having been diagnosed at 44 this year and made many mistakes given the responsibilities of marriage, children and work there is definitely a trap of depression that an ADD mind can fall into. When it was it’s worst for me I couldn’t hear the world for the dark monkeys playing havoc inside my head. I got to the stage where I thought I was going mad and demented and made some seriously bad choices. If you are ADD then it will come as a relief, after the fallout and once you’ve handled the possible shame you might feel.
    But if your partner is still there and as exasperated as she might be, she must have hope. Makes you a lucky guy with a terrific future for you all. Just don’t f*** it up, it’s going to be hard trudging uphill but it will be worth it. Stay strong and know that with ADD the best bit is that you aren’t like all the others which is probably why she wanted to be with you in the first place.

  • #99556

    nicolep1031
    Participant

    Some of those things sound like ADHD yes, there are tests online you can take that give you an idea of ADHD symptoms and how many apply to you but if you really think you have it AND you want to do something about it then you need to see your doctor. Start with your primary, mine was able to help me.

  • #99652

    newenglandrose
    Participant

    This is a great site to get opinions and lots of information! But definitely go to your doctor for a professional opinion. I was officially diagnosed at age 39 after suffering my entire life – since at least age 5 with procrastination, tardiness, disorganization, “day dreaming”, talking over people, clutter, forgetfulness, etc. My husband put up with it but didn’t understand it. I learned about AdHD all by myself after I left him at age 41. It was devastating and a relief all at once. My kids have it and it’s no big deal to them because it’s normal and talked about in our family and with their doctors and teachers. Don’t be afraid! No matter what your issues are you will feel better once you start to learn more about yourself. You will begin to heal and your family can be there for you. Get help NOW. You can feel pride and joy again. Be the person, husband and father you deserve to be. Good luck to you!

  • #99663

    imnotreallycrazyami
    Participant

    Hi guys

    I need some advice from people who have ADHD and how it affects your life/marriage. I had always thought that something was not right with myself, after many years i decided to goto the doctors, where I was diagnosed, at the age of 40.
    As a child I was always angry, short tempered, could not concentrate for long periods and easily distracted. As an adult these things continued, plus I would find if I started a task I would become so involved that I could not think of anything but this task, like an obsession, my memory is now so bad I question half the things I say. These traits all in turn lead to EXTREME FRUSTRATION at myself, leading to angry outbursts.

    All of which are placing a massive strain on my marriage. I have two young boys and cannot afford for my marriage too fail. Myself and my wife both agree I need to to find help coping with this disorder.

    Can anyone give me some advice on the above, recommend any podcasts, anyone in the same situation and are managing to cope, any talks around the Vancouver/BC area, anything at all????

    Appreciated

    • #99690

      centexsculler
      Participant

      I got to age 50 not understanding how I differ from what this site calls “neuro-typical.” I recommend reading many of the articles on this site — and books. Once you better understand yourself you can make decisions that work for you. You can explain to others, better yet share some key articles that help the to see through your eyes. Read about lifestyle changes (dietary, exercise, etc, that help your brain function better…and decide if you want to try them. Foods, probiotics, vitamins, and perhaps prescriptions. You want your body as healthy as possible to give you every chance to succeed in a world of diverse people/minds. Best wishes!

  • #99729

    ADHDmomma
    Keymaster

    Start by taking an online self-test for adult ADHD and then go from there.

    [Self-Test] Could You Have Adult ADHD / ADD?

    Penny
    ADDitude Community Moderator, Parenting ADHD Trainer & Author, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism

  • #99736

    ADDLobstah
    Participant

    What you describe are classic symptoms of executive function issues commonly referred to as ADHD. Get tested by a psychologist who understands and treats ADHD. They will suggest treatment options and coordinate with your primary care physician.

    Look for a psychologist immediately. Your doc may be able to suggest someone or ask parents you know who have kids who’ve been diagnosed.

    Good luck!

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