May 16, 2019 at 4:25 pm #116781
33/m So, how to begin?
I am a new poster in here but I have been doing quite a
I know this is long but please read and help shed some light if you can. I also understand that I am not speaking to doctors here and know that no formal diagnosis’ or recommendations are being made.
So, how to begin?
I am a new poster in here but I have been doing quite a bit of lurking, and you guys seem to be a wealth of knowledge. I want some help, on whether or not you think I actually suffer from adhd. Again, I know your not physicians.
I have struggled with anxiety and some depression for quite some time. Well, as I age and the responsibilities mount (3 kids 5 and under) my mental state has seemed to be going the wrong way. I made the commitment that I wanted to find help and figure out what was going on. So, I saw a family doctor who prescribed an ssri and suggested I see a psychiatrist. Saw the psychiatrist who kept me on the ssri and actually added another that I didn’t really take because of side effects.
Well, not much seemed to be changing so I started doing my own digging and found my way into the wormhole of adhd and how it could possibly be the ROOT to my problems – seriously, reading the stuff about undiagnosed adult adhd was like peeking behind the curtain of my own mind. It could possibly be the explanation to so much. HOPE
I saw the first doctor for the anxiety in marchish.
Now, I was diagnosed with add as a young kid and given meds. I was young, so I don’t really remember how it went but my mom said I improved a lot, but didn’t like the meds so she let me stop taking them. Maybe on them for a couple months. The rest of my education history is a mess: dropped out of high school, got GED, went to local community college and moved in and out of various classes for various career choices for 10+ years. Always very restless with every job I’ve ever had, including the one I do now (coming up on 2 year anniversary). Longest job I’ve had was almost 5 years in car sales.
I procrastinate like a mofo and always have. I often start things and get bored of them and put them off until it negatively effects my work ie: I had a paper application on my desk for a month plus that just needed to be filled out, but I just couldn’t make myself do it. Mainly because I had to hand write it, which is a real struggle for me. I forget everything… all the time. I will literally get off my couch and walk in my kitchen (10 feet) and forget why I was going in there. And this forgetfulness is either getting much worse lately or the ssri has enhanced that effect. I can be easily agitated, I’ve just always thought I have an anger management problem. Things start going crazy and then I get mentally overwhelmed and snap (not violent). In that moment I just want to run away and make everyone leave me the F alone, my wife and kids included – this happens weekly.
But what gives me doubts about actually having adhd is some of the symptoms don’t necessarily fit me: I don’t really have an organization problem. And I don’t lose stuff much at all. I am actually the opposite about making sure my personal stuff is where it’s supposed to be. And I don’t know that the stims are doing what they should do in someone with adhd, see below.
After going down the worm whole of adhd and my symptoms, I spoke with my phsych about it. He gave me a script for adderall 10mg and basically said this stuff is like performance enhancing drugs for your brain, everyone’s mood improves when they first start it, so just because this helps that doesn’t immediately mean that I am adhd. He seemed very apprehensive. Granted he is a bit of the older school type also, and I had only met with him a hand full of times and it was always about anxiety/depression. He also wanted me to go see a physiologist to be formally diagnosed. I wanted to know something asap (extremely impatient) so I went with the first guy I found that could get me in the quickest. He was crazy and didn’t seem to be up to date at all on the current pschy (70+ YO, out of touch). But the old man gives me the adhd diagnosis – I feel like I had to lead him to this diagnosis by pointing out all the correlations because, again, he was way outta touch.
This is when I talk about how the meds are working.
Now, after the 10 mg didn’t seem to be doing a whole lot they bumped it to 15mg once daily. Still not sure if its helping in the correct way. Some days I feel jittery still; I am wondering if the combo of coffee and the new higher dose is causing this. I am also coming off of the ssri (cymbalta), which obviously complicates things. . When I take the adderall I definitely have more energy buy I am still scatter-brained and have a really hard time making myself start to work ie: I’ve been at my desk for 4+ hours and have done zero work but watched some kick-ass youtube videos and read some great stuff in here. My stomach has also been getting upset latter in the day the last few days, which brings on the anxiety, which brings on the benzo. And I might be getting some increased irritability later in the day as well. All of this is very new. And, when you combine it with withdrawing from the cymbalta I just don’t effing know. I feel like adhd could explain so much but the medication doesnt seem to be giving me that *ah ha* moment that so many get.
I am sorry this is so long but I felt like it is necessary to provide all the info to help you guys point me in whatever direction you (unprofessionally) think.
- This topic was modified 1 week ago by chinton620.
May 17, 2019 at 12:48 pm #116823
At this point, I recommend finding someone who is going to take the time and do a comprehensive review.
You may one, the other, or multiple diagnoses.
This will be complicated by the fact a lot of your currently presenting issues have overlap in how they present and their cause.
It is very likely, that a timeline of how your issues presenting themselves over the course of your life will be more informative than measuring your symptoms today.
ADHD’s relationship with things like depression and anxiety can be very complicated.
You could have just been born with several of them in what professionals call “comorbidity.”
Or, you can have depressive or anxiety symptoms as the result of untreated ADHD, you and the professional need to make a decision. Do you focus on the ADHD first, and see how that corrects the rest… or do you need to treat both?
Think of this analogy where having untreated ADHD is like being out of work.
Being depressed about not having a job seems normal.
Some professionals will give you a med or counseling to help you deal with your feeling about not having a job.
I am going to try to help you get a job first.
Now, if you depression, prevents you from doing the applications, showing up to the interview, and doing your best in the interview… We need to treat the depression whether or not it is the primary or secondary issue.
If you get a job, but you cannot keep it… Then we need to see why and treat that as the primary problem, not the original lack of a job.
Some folks will take a “more is better” or “treat everything”.
However, I find that professionals who take a “see what sticks” approach are not as effective as those that try to focus and prioritize.
Final thought, regardless of your medication routine, please do not neglect the other stuff. Medication opens the door to developing skills and coping strategies. It doesn’t build them. Eliminating the negative symptoms is only half of the job. Building the positive pattern is the more important, but less urgent, half.
If you are on YouTube, go watch some Jocko Willink Videos, especially any excerpts from his “Discipline Equals Freedom” field manual.
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