26yo just read psych report from 15yo – Feeling hopeless

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    • #186494
      crash override

      I was not quite sure how to title this discussion topic but I think that just about covers it.

      Basically my parents had a “psycho-educational evaluation” performed on me when I was 15 because I started to fall short of their academic expectations for me. Before middle school I was an A student, but in middle school my grades started slipping into B territory. For highschool my parents put me into a highly competitive private college prep highschool where I was all Cs and Bs.

      Of course my dad just thought I was lazy but I seriously felt as if there was something wrong with me. It doesn’t help that I come from an alcoholic home and that my dad used to scream at me (sometimes for more than an hour) and occasionally beat me (tbf this only happened one time) because of my poor academic performance. He would tell me that I would never be able to get into a good college with my grades and as a result would be poor and useless for my whole life.

      I bring this up because I never saw the real results of that report. My dad seemed to think that the doctor was a quack, that I was simply lazy, and that I had someone convinced my mom to get me diagnosed with ADD to “get off easy”. The psych told me that I had ADD but then told me that medication was bad and did not work before proceeding to sell my parents on a $3000 two week course where I did “IQ boosting” exercises as a treatment (of course this was a giant waste of money).

      The result of the report however are valid and I have had psychs refer to the report several times throughout college and adulthood to get medication/treatment for my ADD.

      I just got a new psych and started taking Adderall after staying sober from alcohol (other issue) for 2 years and it is working really well. I’m starting to wonder how I got by without it. Of course the psych requested a copy of the report which I just faxed to him yesterday.

      For the first time I took a look at it and it says that not only do I have add, that I also have “Adjustment Disorder with mixed Anxiety and Depression” “Learning Disorder NOS – Cognitive Processing Speed, Visual Processing: Visual Sequencing, and short term memory. The report also goes on to state that I have a 90 IQ and that my short term memory function and processing speed are in the 70iq range.

      After looking at this report I feel very defeated. I was able to finish college (only because the report enabled me to skip my language requirements after failing 3 times), I have a relatively high paying job, and a strong support network. That said, I can not help but feel like I’ll never be able to get ahead or learn anything else because I’m just stupid. I never knew that I was this disabled and feel lied to betrayed, and also completely invalid and useless.

      I know that the report does not define but it is very hard to move past even after talking to some close friends about it.

      I also have an appointment with a new therapist next week which should help.

      Anyone else have a similar experience?

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