16y daughter dismisses all assignment deadlines

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    • #198451
      LAB
      Participant

      My 16 year old daughter got diagnosed with inattentive adhd a year ago. Since then we’ve had her on Concerta. This year, grade 11 she’s handing in all her assignments extremely late. She. I ask her about it she gets really angry. So we’ve hired a tutor to help her. We know she wants to do well but her procrastinating is really dampening her ability to do well. We’ve had her In CBT but after the third session she refused to go. She comes home from school sometimes and says she doesn’t have any homework. When I look at her on line school site it shows she has overdue assignments. When I ask her she gets really angry. I think not doing her assignments actually make her sad. With all the help I can’t help her. It’s so frustrating. I’m trying to find another therapist for CBT. She says she didn’t like the other one. I’m thinking she may be a bit depressed and I do t know what to do.

    • #198644
      Penny Williams
      Keymaster

      You are exactly right that she wants to do well. So the next step is to determine what is preventing that. With an ADHD brain, planning and organizing and self-starting and getting things done are all a struggle. plus, overwhelm often leads to avoidance and shutdown. Being so far behind all the time, and being reminded of it all the time, can really get a person down.

      If it takes her longer to complete her assignments than her peers, then she should have an accommodation for reduced assignments. An assignment that the teacher means to take about an hour but your child spends 2-5 hours on is punishing your child for having a disability.

      She wants to do well. She is open to the tutoring and some help, so that seems to be a signal that she just can’t manage it all.

      The right therapist can make all the difference. Although with the executive functioning struggles, I wonder if a coach might be more effective right now, and if she’d be more open to a coach than a therapist (teens are often that way).

      What Is an ADHD Coach?

      My son just graduated high school in January. He struggled in the same way. School was so hard for him and so overwhelming that he’d avoid until I pushed. I sat with him to do a lot of his work or it wouldn’t get done. He struggles with processing speed, ADHD and dysgraphia so the traditional assignments were an extreme challenge and school always expected him to get everything done no matter how long it took him compared to his peers (of course, I intervened for reduced assignments).

      Some kids just aren’t good at school but that doesn’t mean they won’t be successful adults.

      Penny
      ADDitude Community Moderator, Parenting ADHD Coach, Podcaster & Author, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism

    • #198807
      LAB
      Participant

      Thanks so much, I really appreciate the feedback. We’ve decided to go with the executive functioning coaching. It’s difficult to choose the right one. I found one on line. We will see how she works out for my daughter. I went on the CHADD directory but couldn’t find one through there, so I went on line and found a lady based in Brazil. She has her first introductory session on Thursday, on line. If she is not a good fit. Is there another directory of coaches I can find. We are based in vaughan Ontario. I guess on line is our only option right now.

      • #199030
        Penny Williams
        Keymaster

        There are some coaches in the ADDitude Directory: https://directory.additudemag.com/.

        I know Seth Perler is an excellent EF Coach as well — that’s my personal opinion, not ADDitude’s.

        Most coaches work online.

        Penny
        ADDitude Community Moderator, Parenting ADHD Coach, Podcaster & Author, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism

    • #198895
      Gazettechan
      Participant

      It is interesting to hear the advice above. This is definitely something that a lot experience.

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