16 year old son taking women's underwear

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    • #113764
      helen725
      Participant

      I have a question about how to talk to my 16 year old son about his behaviour. He will sometimes take women’s underwear. I found my underwear (panties, tights etc) hidden in his room and recently I found a slip that belongs to my mother-in-law, in his drawer. I’m not sure how we are to address this topic. He’s also done this in the past and he just denies that he did anything. I also found my mother-in-laws depend underwear in his garbage. It appeared to have been soiled.

      He doesn’t show any interest in girls with me and my husband. He probably talks about them with friends. Not sure if this is
      behaviour that we should be worried about.

      Any help would be most appreciated. We have discussed this with doctors (psychiatrists and psychologists) and they just tell us that there is nothing wrong with my son. He has ADHD and ODD. He’s on Concerta and Respiradone

      I should also mention that my son was adopted when he was 5 years old

      • This topic was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by helen725.
      • This topic was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by helen725.
    • #113780
      Fluttermind
      Participant

      Sounds like he has some sort of panty fetish. For the most part, fetishes aren’t anything to worry about, but he needs to learn how to conduct himself so he’s not stealing panties or being creepy or unsafe about it. If his behavior is problematic (I’d say the stealing is sufficiently problematic), consider having him see a therapist who specializes in these issues.

      For the record, this has absolutely nothing to do with the ADHD.

    • #113802
      helen725
      Participant

      Thank you for your comment.

      My husband had a talk with my son, and as expected he denied everything. No explanation as to how the slip made it’s way from grandmother’s house, into our house and into his drawer.

      What kind of psychologist specializes in these things? It’s hard to find one for children.

      Is it possible for kids to do things without realizing it? Or is he just covering up because he’s embarrassed?

    • #113811
      limpstringcheese
      Participant

      He’s lying to you. It could be possible if he had other developmental disorders, but he only has OCD and ADHD. He’s 16 years old, trust me, at that age they know exactly what they’re doing. His hormones are rampant right now, and he’s not controlling himself. It may be hard, but it’s absolutely possible.
      What he’s doing is very illegal, and frankly, if he were an adult, this would be considered predatory behavior.

      I would look into a child therapist, one that deals with kids/young adults with behavioral issues.

    • #113821
      Fluttermind
      Participant

      Think about it – if you had some fetish or gross/weird habit and your parents found evidence of it and confronted you about it, would you admit your fetish/habit to them, or would you fiercely deny it? Of course he’s embarrassed and will fiercely deny everything, even in the face of irrefutable evidence.

      I wouldn’t call panty theft “very illegal” (petty theft is a misdemeanor) or “predatory” – he’s not preying upon another person for sexual reasons (which is what sexual predation entails), just stealing panties (which is still definitely creepy and inappropriate and petty theft).

      Look for a behavioral therapist with experience/specialization in sexual issues (check out the therapist search on the Psychology Today website) so he can have an understanding outlet for figuring himself out in this regard and deal with his behavioral issues stemming from it. It’s very possible he won’t cooperate (out of embarrassment/denial), but it’s worth a shot. And definitely stress that the issue is not what he’s doing privately in his bedroom that bothers you, it’s the thievery, and that if he wants you to leave him alone with his private activities forever, then he needs to leave your stuff alone forever (and get his own).

    • #171428
      bretsgirl1
      Participant

      My son is 27 non verbal with Autism. I honestly thought I was the only one who had to deal with this. My son keeps stealing my daughters underwear. She is 23 and he does not want her thongs just her underwear that cover her butt. He pushes into her room to try to grab them and he is a big guy. I don’t understand where it is coming from. He does not take my other daughters or mine, just my younger one. She wears sweats and covers up and he will look at her butt and I guess see the lines and then I am trying to keep him away from her. She wants to move out because it is creepy and I get where she is coming from. She has to lock herself in her room. I had a therapist when he was younger but they really don’t do much because he is non verbal. If anyone has a solution to this I would appreciate it. My stress level is through the roof

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