16 and pushing everyone to their limits

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    • #61081

      Hi there, I’m new to this forum but I was so glad this forum exists. My son was diagnosed with ADHD when he was 14 yes 14 years old. From nursery to this age he has always been a difficult hyperactive child. I have seen behavioural doctors and my own GP since he was 4 years old.. I am a single parent and for all those years I have been told that he has behavioural problems or 1 teacher said and I quote ‘hes just spoilt’ I won’t bore you with all this crap. But now he’s been diagnosed and I think it’s too little too late.

      At 1y he’s slap bang in the middle of his GCSE’s and has little or no concentration so is failing miserably not that he’s bothered at all. I’ve had to involve social services and the police to stop him sneaking out at night and he is up in court very shortly for attempted theft of a car ( by himself I might add)

      I have the school ringing me every other day for him not going in or leaving early. And the only help I got from social services is they are sending me on a Parent your teen course..i feel like I’m banging my head against a brick wall. Also my son is on meds but every time a voice my concern they just up his meds

    • #61091

      I have a 16 year old son as well who is “off the charts” as far as his ADHD is concerned. I’ve not had an issue with truancy or theft, but I recently found out he’s tried pot to calm his angst after his meds wear off. I believe if it were me, and my son was doing those things, I would take him to the psych who diagnosed him for some 1:1 sessions. Since he’s dealt with it for so long, probably in trouble a lot in elementary and middle school, probably has a bad taste in his mouth for authority figures, because they probably just punished him instead of trying to help.

      There are a ton of articles that have helped me over the years as my son was about 11 when he was diagnosed… So you are definitely in the right place for ideas and assistance. Keep your chin up.


    • #61764

      A plain ADD diagnose is just a starting ppoint to begin sorting other clinical issues out, meds and therapy.
      Now days most of ADD cases are associated with COMORBILITIES,being ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder) and GAD (General Anxiety Disorder) the most relevant and the entry door for AOD (Alcohol and other drugs) use and abuse.
      ODD appears usually in the early years 4-6, but it can continue showing different manifestations related to age and circumstances.
      Many details to evaluate: only child? Has brothers/sisters? Does he have contact with his father? What are his interests, hobbies? How has he been disciplined? Etc.
      Hope you find the correct clinical/medical path and action for the benefit of all. Rgds. MEH

    • #61765

      Hi Clara88. As you mention a gp, I expect you are in uk. Access to services and help is very limited isn’t it? My son was diagnosed aged 15 with inattentive type predominately. I too have been on a parenting course! My son is in year 11 and was expelled in the first term of year year 10. He has just refused to go anywhere else since then. He was/ is quite bright but it seems its ok for him to be left on the scrap heap because there is no one to help him. He has had one paediatric appointment where they prescribed meds but nothing else follow up in one year. He has found help with sleeping through cannabis as he was refused melatonin or anything like that. I have battled and battled with him, schools, doctors, youth service etc. It’s pretty exhausting. You are not alone, just remember you are doing your best and try to keep seeing the positive things your son is doing. I think currently there are extremely poor services for these children in the uk.

    • #61778
      Penny Williams

      It is never too late to turn a life around. It will be tough at his age, because of learned helplessness and already being in a bad pattern, but it’s possible and totally worth it. What you’re experiencing now is untreated ADHD — which carries risks like criminality, anxiety, depression, substance abuse, etc.

      High-Risk Behaviors for Children with ADHD: Is This Normal?

      The diagnosis is the first step; now it’s time for treatment. That should include some or all of the following: medication, healthy diet and supplements, exercise, therapy/behavior modification, accommodations in school, ADHD Coaching or Tutoring, etc.

      Your Full Menu of ADHD Treatment Options

      ADDitude Community Moderator, Author & Mentor on Parenting ADHD, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism

    • #61812

      Blimey, a chance would be a fine thing in the UK! It’s shameful but there really is not much out there especially for teens. Certainly no talking treatments or coaching that I have found. Schools are under pressure to get results and their budgets have cut so they can’t offer much. To give you an idea despite his diagnosis he has no access to child mental health services at all despite being out of school for nearly a year. He does not meet the criteria.
      We did do the diet exercise fish oils at home for a while but he just refuses to cooperate with any of that now….

    • #75744

      I know you posted this awhile ago but I wanted to add my 2 cents as I’m going through very similar things with my 17yo son. What motivates him? Whatever it is… you tie it to what you want to see him do. The best way to do this is to sit down with him and work on solutions together. He feels valued that he’s getting some input in the process and you are getting that buy in from him because he’s motivated now. I recommend looking at Dr Ross Greene’s website – he has a lot of good information on solving problems and lagging skills with our challenging kids. And I love his motto “Kids do well if they can”.
      I’m in the US and we are about to take away my son’s electronics tomorrow for the following 4 weeks while he is in an intensive outpatient therapy program. If he becomes violent , as he has done before, the police will be called, he will go to the ER and he will sit in the crisis unit until an inpatient bed becomes available. We will do this as many times as we need to in order to help him obtain the skills to become a functional adult – hopefully a happy one as well. We have done a huge disservice by threatening to do all of this over the years but rarely ever following through and now we have a kid who can’t go to school consistently and lacks healthy coping skills, plays on his electronics all the time barely coming out of his room to do anything else. His room is disgusting, he fights basic personal hygiene, asking him to empty the dishwasher ends up in World War 3. Its awful – I hope my above suggestion will help you out a little bit. I feel for you and wish you the best

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