Like one of the posters above, I just registered my account to respond to this. I’m 27 years old and I was officially diagnosed with adult ADHD (primarily inattentive type) three days ago, although I’ve been “lurking” on the website and seeing a psychiatrist since spring.
I also talk to myself; it used to only happen in the car when I was alone. Within the last couple years things started slipping out around the house (for example, I’ve blurted out my reactions to the contents of my fridge when nobody else was in the room and my parents have asked who I’m talking to). I didn’t realize how much I was doing this, though, until two things happened: first, I got a new neighbor in my cubicle at work who seemed a little perturbed by outbursts that occurred when my computer didn’t load fast enough for my liking or when I was annoyed by an e-mail or phone conversation. Second, on a recent trip to Target when another shopper walked into the aisle I was in alone while I was saying “[expletive] that, I’m not paying that price.” Very embarrassing – and yet, that didn’t stop it.
I now have a new job in a more professional environment, and I’m in closer proximity to more people (including my manager, who sits right next to me). While my experiences and repercussions so far haven’t been as severe as yours, it’s still causing some anxiety. I’m trying to keep it under control, but if whatever I’m thinking stays in my mind, it’s just as loud and I still make hand gestures and facial expressions that match the conversation/scenario/comments going through my brain. It’s not quite as noticeable as pacing and acting it out, but people still see me behaving as if I’m having a conversation even when I don’t say what I’m thinking out loud. I get some weird looks.
I thought maybe this is because I spend a fair bit of time alone and I enjoy my own jokes and company, but if that’s all it is then I should be able to control it and I can’t. I’ve just started on Foaclin (starting at 10mg/day due to side effect concerns, but tweaks to come if all seems well) and I’m interested to see if this helps. In a sense it’s a relief to hear that others experience this, although I’m sorry it’s been a stressful experience and a source of ridicule for you. Most of my life I’ve felt like an alien who gets on well with people but just can’t quite get the hang of normal human behavior. This site, and especially the boards, have helped me find some peace; yes, I’m different, but there is a reason for it and I’m not the only one out there like me. I hope things get easier for you. 🙂