Hi again thanks everyone for the interesting replies.
Just to add. I practice meditation and other forms of mindfulness like listening to the birds, every day at least once before and after work. I have a really solid practice. I am a mindfulness teacher. However despite this (and adhd medication small dose) this processing ‘difference’ continues for me.
What im learning from this is:
1) this must be a different way of processing in my Neuro diverse adhd and Autism brain. Meds has taken the edge off but not wholly. And my processing is in vivid pictures too.
2) self criticism: i used to tell myself I’m a bad mindfulness teacher or practitioner or useless person because I have this processing style.
3) then I got diagnosed in midlife with Adhd and autism and started reading about these problems. It all started to make sense in relation to having different brain connectivity and way of processing than neurotypicals.
4) Rumination to depression?
I now realise that when thoughts were negative and difficult things in my life the repetitive thoughts were usually negative too and might make me depressed if i didnt change my attention focus.
So now if i notice repetitive negative processing is going on in my mind I try to notice earlier on. Put fast music on headphones to stimulate my body and mind and distract me. Unfreeze my body by going out to a garden and into nature walking. Increase my meditation. Give myself 10 minutes after work to really think hard about the day, then make myself go outside or to the gym. Perhaps talk to someone I trust about the particular problem that’s going round. Write each day in a positive events diary one good thing I achieved. Meditation has been key through this.
I hope this helps. Now I’m more accepting of this hamster wheel mind of mine as a different way of processing, I don’t give myself such a hard time about it.