It sounds like you are tired of a feeling unmotivated and struggling to perform at work. Great for you for your willingness to seek help. Made me sad to read your posting with descriptions f how you suffered without stimulants yet thrived with the medications only to not have the medications again. Not all docs are resistant to giving individuals medications that they need to have fulfilling lives. Stimulants have been around since the 1960’s and are very safe. The best way to find a doc who prescribes adhd meds is to ask parents of school aged kids. What city is closest to you?