Yes, it can be challenging to parent a child with special needs, but the flip side, it is a HUGE PROUD MOMMA MOMENT when you can say your son is successful without the making it through high school or college. He is one of those successful people like Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Ellen DeGeneres, or Brad Pitt. CONGRATULATIONS to him for making it using skills that are outside the box. Celebrate his achievements. What you are experiencing is the emotional grieving process of those parents with special needs children. You had dreams of your child before he was born and disability shatters those dreams. Infinite loss, or the loss of a dream, is much different to deal with then a nonfinite loss (a death). With infinite loss, your grief is for a loss dream. It may be time to start making new dreams, one that includes the success of your son and what the future holds for him and his and your families.