Reply To: A friend upset me… destroyed me for the week.

Home Welcome to the ADDitude Forums For Women & Girls A friend upset me… destroyed me for the week. Reply To: A friend upset me… destroyed me for the week.

#99372
melindaandharris
Participant

Full disclosure – I am a coach and spiritual guide. I’ve studied, personality, conflict, and emotionally focused therapy, as well as trauma. But speaking from my personal struggle with the same dynamic, let’s not forget that there are two people in any relationship, situation, or conversation. Understanding the science behind what goes on in the brain and body can help us shape the environment of our relationships and conversations. We generate the environment, so we start with ourselves, strengthening and caring for ourselves, clearing away the past hurts while we’re looking with fresh eyes at how we create a friendship – or should I say co-create. Maybe we just see more deeply into what a friendship can really be? Also, we tend to put stories on top of everything that we experience, and this blocks us from asking open-ended, powerful questions, which is linked to what our intention is in a relationship and conversation. Go in knowing what we intend shapes what comes out, if our intentions are honorable and inclusive, we can always recover from the inevitable bumps. Humans bump into each other, our feelings are like the cat’s whispers sensing as we go along. In EFT the wisdom is that the predictor of success in a relationship is the ability to repair. Each bump is an opportunity to love each other for who we truly are – as a whole. Stop labeling traits as good and bad! And let’s get to the bottom of our worries about people challenging or disagreeing with us. They all have their stuff going on. Perfection is an illusion, except it’s all the Perfection. Without the bumps, we are incomplete. Ask for help from friends when things get bumpy by saying, this feels really uncomfortable to me but our friendship is important so I’d like help talking about it. Here’s my first draft about what is going on, and please remember, I can’t see into your thoughts, feelings and experiences, so please share them. And then ask them for their first draft. If people turn us down then, it’s on them, and we’re meant to be somewhere else. Kudos to everyone who keeps trying despite getting thrown off for a week. And when we need to, let’s be gentle with ourselves. When other’s aren’t there to love us, we need and have a responsibility to love ourselves all the more. There are great techniques you can Google like the Golden Sequence and R-A-I-N. to help manage and work through feelings with resilience too. Each one of you is special and needed – deeply. What would I have done if you hadn’t been on this forum and given me so much to consider?