Reply To: ADD and denial?

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#99321
NonADHDWife
Participant

My husband was recently diagnosed with ADHD, at age 66! We had suspected it and he even had a brochure that he had picked up about it. I did some reading and saw that he had nearly all the symptoms. He was beginning to see a psychologist but he was uncomfortable with him, thinking that he was making a pass at him. We have been married only 3 years, this is my third marriage and his second. He lived with a woman for ten years because he thought she could “help him”, but he had no romantic interest in her. She wanted him though, and he stayed with her until she died of cancer. He is a carpenter and very good, and is artistic too. He barely got through high school, in the 70’s not much was known about ADHD, and he had lost his dad at age nine. His mom had 6 kids and was just trying to survive. He never got his problem addressed and he felt unloved and like the black sheep of the family. I am experiencing a lot of frustration because of his problems. He is in a lot of denial about things that he does that I don’t like, such as looking at women, bad driving, saying inappropriate or hurtful things, doing impulsive things. Recently I have realized how bad the denial is. He will do things like looking at a woman right in front of me, but he denies it EVERY time. It upsets me, but he gets annoyed and says he is tired of it, as if I were making it all up, which I am not. Once a young woman ran in front of our truck and he watched her all the way across the road to the other side, yet he insisted that he was looking at a truck! Ok so I get jealous. Does any woman like her husband ogling women? He claims he doesn’t really “see” them. Oh please!! He has had many close calls while driving because he got distracted. Yet he tells me he is a good driver. I think he has other mental problems too. He used to think people were putting their hands on their mouths when he was around them, and that it meant they didn’t like him. This has stopped. He has anxieties and sleep problems. He is often up most of the night because he can’t sleep. He seldom sleeps all night with me. Our intimacy is affected by ADHD too. He also had hearing loss, which adds to our communication problems. He can’t listen to me for long, he often starts yawning if it’s late at night, when I am trying to discuss something with him. I can relate to the parent-child thing. He is kind of immature, can’t handle things like paying bills. He is afraid of confrontation. A friend of his ran into him the other day and asked why he hadn’t called him, and he made an excuse, which he does often with me too. He has trouble with focusing on the preacher at church and doesn’t retain what he reads very well, although he likes to read. He’s a great guy overall and loves to help people. We both have the same beliefs and there’s no substance abuse problems. I’m glad to have found this forum to vent my feelings!