Reply To: Numb/Dull/Lifeless

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#99044
bunneyoo
Participant

I can’t tell you how much less alone I feel from reading this. I’m juggling anxiety+depression, ADHD, & chronic pain – & I feel like there is absolutely no way to be taking all these meds (at least swallowing something each hour or two) and I HATE being so dependent on them all! Because although I’m so “flat” (for lack of a better word) like you, I’m numb, neutral, like a zombie almost. Nothing moves me! But if I miss just ONE of my medications, I can’t handle it I’m all out of wack and I can’t handle it even more than I can’t handle being on all of them!
(Not to mention i take a different opiate and antipsychotic at night time to help me sleep)

LIFE IS JUST SO MESSY, & IM OVERWHELMED BY THE ALL THE CLUTTER AROUND ME AND IN MY HEAD…BUT I BASICALLY MIGHT AS WELL BE A STATUE.
I hate myself for it – I used to be so ALIVE. Full of life! And ever since puberty I’ve constantly been evolving year upon year into a worse and worse mental health case and I feel like it’s never ending (and I’m currently 31)

So as much as I can’t give you help, or answers – I hope that my message along with the other here, have given you a little comfort that you aren’t alone, and you aren’t gone for good.
I’m sure there are many people who were once where we are…and we’ll be where they are one day too, and able to hopefully point them in the right direction &/or help give them some tips.

This community here on ADDitude is the best medium I’ve found to connect with others like us, as well as find endless information on all the important issues, plus so many new tips and ideas each day, and actual words from professionals too which you’ll often see replying in a lot of these posts, and of course putting together the articles which we read.

I recommend signing up to the emails too (I normally hate any stores & companies sending annoying emails trying to sell me crap each week with “special deals” etc) but the INFORMATION in these emails are spot on, and they aren’t trying to make you buy anything of course.

I think our best strength against a lot of the pain is knowledge – and this is the place to gain this. Like they say “knowledge is power”

I envy your organisational skills. I wish I at least had that 😔..I’m struggling to at least do my self care and hygiene anymore these days. And I’m lucky if I sleep each night of the week.

Oh I’m getting sad typing all my failures – so I’m out..back to listening to my usual stuff that I do 24/7 that I’d say helps contribute to my zombie-like state. No smiles no frowns. But I’d rather be stone than the blubbering mess I’d be if I DID feel any emotion (cause I certainly know I wouldn’t be gleeful or laughing about much🤔😐)

I cbf proofreading. This is too long and I don’t want to read this back. I’m so so sorry if I’ve brought your mood down, or been no help at all… I must admit it did feel a little lighter when I first started typing to you, but I went too far as per usual in all of my life.
Anyway – sorry for any spelling errors, grammatical errors, or anything nonsensical from misplaced words cause I haven’t read it back and my fingers don’t always keep up with my brain lol.

Good luck, you sound like a beautiful soul and I hope you find your way some day ♥️ 🌹

Serena ☺️
Brisbane, Australia