Reply To: ADD and denial?

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#99000
pdimeg
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I know this all too well experienced my ex walking out on me and doing extensive mental damage, unknown to me he was diagnosed with ADHD as a child and adult but never got treatment, we went to six therapists all not experienced with ADHD and nothing helped and he decided to walk out and then come back to walk out and file for divorce and his behaviors in the last two years and half have been terrible – drug use, prostitutes – and still even today blames me for the marriage falling apart – I found out right at the end of the ADHD and did whatever I could and I highly recommend checking out Melissa Orlov and Dr. Hallowell’s book – The ADHD Effect on Marriage : Understand and Rebuild Your Relationship in Six Steps by Melissa Orlov, I actually spent the money for my ex to meet Dr. Hallowell in NYC and it was costly and Dr. Hallowell brought up that many therapists are untrained to ADHD and won’t be able to help those who suffer from it if it’s not diagnosed or addressed, also both in the relationship would require therapy – not just the one diagnosed. I also found out I had some characteristics myself and went for an evaluation and got diagnosed with inattentive ADHD which I immediately seeked treatment and medication and on my own journey – he keeps being in denial and does whatever it takes to hurt me even up to today where he wrote me an email noting he went to see a specialist in his area, he lives a hour away and that they told him he was fine and that his childhood diagnosis was a mistake likely and that the marriage ended because it was unhealthy because I asked him to pick up his clothes or clean up after himself…yeah. I literally got that email today. It’s heartbreaking because I love him and did everything I could for him but I can’t deal with this anymore, I have a mother with dementia and a home that is falling apart and I also didn’t ask for anything in the divorce because he claimed he was broke but it cost me thousands in lawyer fees because he stood me up in court to get a cheap and easy divorce – so much more to it all but it’s not worth it. I say that the person needs to value and love themselves enough to want help, it’s just like an addict. My ex is used to replacing people – especially women – in their lives that it’s become second nature. He enjoys drama and disruption it seems so it’s just not good to be around someone so toxic and unacceptable for their behaviors. His friends don’t experience what I did and I got insulted by many when I would call him out on his actions – with my own ADHD my general issues are time management and trying to juggle so many things at once and clearly financial since I can’t make ends meet now alone but he’s just way on another planet with what he’s said and done that I can’t even compare myself, he loved the fact that I shared my own diagnosis as if he was validated but actually I owned it and told him I was seeking treatment right away thinking it would set an example but all it did was allow him to broadcast – see, there’s something wrong with HER, I told you… so the reality is if the person is willing you can make it work and I do recommend checking out Melissa Orlov’s website and forum with Dr. Hallowell and she has a few programs as well – that book opened the door to so much for me that made so much sense and it’s sad when people are so unwilling to just try to see if there is another solution. I also say incorporating a low carb/paleo or keto diet because sugar can affect ADHD as well as adding in exercise, yoga, meditation and adjusting your sleep patterns will help out a lot