Reply To: Was it just Hyperfocus in dating?

Home Welcome to the ADDitude Forums For Spouses & Loved Ones Was it just Hyperfocus in dating? Reply To: Was it just Hyperfocus in dating?


1st of all I want you to know that you sound like an amazing person who has so much love to give and I’m so sorry you aren’t able to receive that same love back from the person you want it from.

I have ADHD and from what I’m learning from myself is is I can either be a godsend to someone or I can be useless, pretty much black or white with no in between.
I will give you 100% or nothing at all. I don’t know any other way and I think if you ask a number of people with ADHD the majority will agree that they are the all or nothing type and I believe it’s because we hyper focus on all areas of our lives so that we could be attentive and successful. Problem is that everyday we as humans need to be attentive and somewhat successful in more than just one area.
So here’s where things get tricky when it comes to love… We are toxic, mainly to ourselves but certainly to others at times because we love so intensely, we give 100% of ourselves and put 100% into a relationship. Sounds great, right? Sure for the receiver. It’s 100% impossible to give your whole entire supply of food to one person when there are many people relying on getting fed solely on your supply. That being said it sounds like your lady loved you too much and unfortunately she had nothing to give to any other areas of her life that were reliant on her.
Another thing is that we don’t stay content for long. I’m sure she wasn’t trying to make this a game or trying to play you but is it possible that she felt too content and boredom struck? I ask this because you may want to play along with her but only if you can win.
Rules are simply or not so simple, find ways to keep her engaged. Stir the pot but never allowing it to bubble over. She may need the stimulation to get her dopamine in check. Make her feel like she will never solve the puzzle of you. Always make her feel confident in your relationship but add some serious excitement.
Good luck Luke!