Reply To: Was it just Hyperfocus in dating?

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Mimij
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She herself nay not know whether her time with you was her impulsivity symptom playing out. And maybe you are right, maybe the novelty just wore off and as a dopamine junkie, she needs something new and fresh again. I would argue that in real life, it doesn’t matter why you connected. What matters is that you did. And even if it was just her symptoms, she would have liked you without them anyway. ADHD doesn’t make you fall for people a neurotypical version of yourself would t fall for. It just makes you fall in love with him faster and harder. And if it was glorious, you should protect the memory of it. Don’t waste time trying to downplay what you mean to her.

Personally I think there are a bunch of factors playing out here that a very typical for women with ADHD. Easily overwhelmed with no natural internal self soothing system. A low tolerance of frustration. A lifetime of having to put on a mask when we struggle as women. Feelings of failure and shame and guilt at a divorce. Fear that her symptoms make her bad mother and therefore spending extra cognitive energy focusing on meeting societies expectations for good mothering. Fear that her new boyfriend doesn’t know the real her and if he did, he wouldn’t like her as much. Struggling to maintain the pace and momentum he fell in love with. Potential co-morbid issues like depression and anxiety. And of course the dreaded ADHD funk. Hiding emotional dysregulation is exhausting. And then one day you misread a word or a facial expression and start to anticipate his rejection. So you subconsciously Choose to pre-empt his rejection by rejecting him. And of course since things are not as exciting as they were at the beginning, you rationalize your decision by deciding you probably never loved him.

This are just guesses but I expect you will one day discover that I was mostly right. If you are still talking just let her know you are there when she needs you. Be her platonic support system. Get to know her without the mask.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by Mimij.