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Michellerain2016 are you sleeping better?
I cried after I was diagnosed. It was a relief; a new problem set to build on with a sure foundation – as sure as it can be with the right work put into it. Mindfulness helps me to manage from day to day, I take it slow and make notes of everything; my diet, exercise, sexual activity, creative stimulation, how I perceive others, how I want to respond,… it felt like I was born into life again. This time around I take great care to let myself be (honor where I am – how I think and behave – give myself space to get comfy with something new), no need to bring others into it till I am ready. Ready means I know what kind of relationship I want and the boundaries I need to set for each connection whether its platonic or intimate. The boundaries give me structure for relating. For me, respect, is the key – a person can only be where they are and that is good enough in a love mindset.
I hear relief in your words. Leaving an abusive situation takes courage. Crying is good. I feel strength in my vulnerability and I use it to rebuild from my heart what I imagine. onedinewave wrote that one’s personality does not change with medication, only their focus. My mother told me in high school that the core of my personality was forming and that who I was then would be the kind of woman I would become. This frightened me at first (I was coming from a dark place of emotion) but then it started to get lighter when I made a commitment to knowing myself and honoring the presence of others – I am still in that journey, sure there are issues surrounding addiction, abuse, neglect but I work(ed) through them, with support; I always return to the core of who I am – follow my intuition, ask questions, feel, and when its right – it feels SO right! The steps in this direction fuels my spirit and the esteem builds to a healthy place (it doesnt always stay there but I know what it feels like so I can return; heart memory) I wrote about all of this to relate to your concern about taking meds – its your experiment, have fun with it!
So now, what about this adventurous random fun! Its up to you. You have done the work, everything is at your feet 🙂 Enjoy