Hi Jonny Vegas thanks for sharing your story. It rang bells for me. All the posts have done!
Having adhd and autism conditions diagnosed in mid life has been really helpful now I’m recovering from the post diagnosis shock and shame.
I realise now (help from therapy too) that I’ve always worn a mask around other people in my world because i just believed i was failing and less than everyone else. So I tried for perfection and copying neurotypical others all my life based on that wrong belief. But perfection isn’t real and it made me more ashamed to just be me! I’ve tried to fit in and tried so desperately to hide the real me who is wacky, kind, creative, amazingly intuitive etc etc.
I read a great vid though recently on a site called ‘Aspergers from the Inside – how to help your aspie friend’. Take a look, it is all about the importance of finding not just social connections for the sake of it but finding friends who will truly accept me for me warts and all including when I make mistakes, turn up late, blurt things out etc etc.
I am in mid life now and this is going to be my practice and project for the rest of my life, ive spent too much energy trying to be like the neurotypicals in the world. It will be hugely difficult and scary, and I’m not really sure where to start. But despite finding social aspects of life so hard (hence the mask) I need to do this to be truly content and flourish from the inside out.
Good luck everyone,