Reply To: My 7 year old son with ADHD is violent and aggressive to me. I am desperate.

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#98384
maxb
Participant

one thing I didn’t mention in my post a few days back is that is all the homes I go into (hundreds) the ones where the ASD and/or ADHD kids are raging,tantruming etc – where medication/diet changes haven’t just occurred,in every case there is some heightened tension in the house,or disruption which the kids is reacting to. The parents are so focussed on what they are doing for the kid, what they are saying to the kid…but nowhere is it acknowledged the environment which is surrounding the kid.Often the parents are fighting which each other,or another sibling,or a neighbour or relative or friend (and insist the kid isn’t absorbing the tension like a sponge).In some cases the parents have some form of autism themselves and clash terribly with the adhd kid. I get given lists and explanations about what is wright what is wrong, what they are doing,sacrificing for the kid…when it is plain the kid just needs a hug.

But also under no circumstances do I ever allow bad behaviour. If that child screams at their parent but not at some stranger at the shops…then they know the difference and are choosing the behaviour. There is some 40-years expert on autism – he has kids and grandkids and is some university expert…he says unless there is intellectual impairment, the only difference between a normal child and an ASD child is 10 seconds-10 mins.Processing delay.So you have to calmly gently explain steps to them to make up for executive dysfunction. But they know and understand everything else fine. they will never have friends or a life independent of you if they are appallingly behaved.

So when a scream starts I hug them,remind them gently that I know they are frustrated but they can do this and we’ll do it together.And over several hours a week over many years none of them have ever tantrumed for me,ever!