Reply To: So discouraged with no one to talk to

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#98231
Pushtrees
Participant

Hi,
Like your experience, I went to a psychiatrist to get a proper diagnosis and evaluation and just pestered them not to force a particular diagnosis just because I was talking about it…I truly wanted them to discover any disorder…They diagnosed me with it ofcourse…It has been a difficult time…imagining all the days and years that no one knew, and still don’t…My doctor of course understood the anxiety, depression and social struggles that this comes with and basically it is a justification of the life I’ve lived…halfway in everything…but he also just suggested that I try harder and he quit his practice over some employment issue…Amazing isn’t it…I can’t even keep a psychiatrist…
I for one, cannot remember the name of one kindergarten friend, or anyone who was really a friend…But, I’m from a different culture…Here in America, my parents didn’t let me do anything or be anything…On top of all that, I had/have many lung issues due to being born 2 months premature…I wonder if it is some sort of congenital thing when your mother works during pregnancy that causes this…and I have a stupid name that also makes everything and peculiar and makes me self conscious.
Anyway, I’ve never had anyone…I’m married…to someone my parents made me marry…I had no other choice…and now that I backtrack through my ADHD, I can see why it was easy for so many to manipulate me and coerce me into so many things…I needed friends and just to belong, so I would deny everything about myself for that…and people could see that about me too…like they do all of us…and penalize us for that…I have a daughter somehow and she’s almost 7, and including the time she was conceived and since, I’ve had sex less than 6 times…in 7 years…and I’m a guy…I feel like a loser most of the time…
I live such an odd life, that I feel so foreign to people around me…almost like a foreign object…going through the motions…
I cannot compete with other folks…Being with most people just makes me feel smaller and more alone…All the inattention and the lack of remembering and mental structuring that one needs to keep a life together kinda explains why I don’t feel like others do…
I feel intense pleasure and comfort from small physical things…souvenirs of times gone by…I’m a hoarder in some ways…holding on to little things here and there and…
Nothing I ever plan out ever works out, because I place so much importance on things that most people take for granted…All you fabulous, strong, amazing people with normal names and parents…are luckier than you know…