Reply To: My 7 year old son with ADHD is violent and aggressive to me. I am desperate.

Home Welcome to the ADDitude Forums For Parents My 7 year old son with ADHD is violent and aggressive to me. I am desperate. Reply To: My 7 year old son with ADHD is violent and aggressive to me. I am desperate.

#98129
Serveto
Participant

Now hold on just a second here…why are you operating under the assumption that these episodes are the result of his ADHD diagnosis? Haven’t you already had him evaluated? And hasn’t his medication been adjusted several times now? I’m going to give you another avenue of thought–one that I already know is not going to sit very well with you, but one that I would sincerely ask you to consider.

A. Your son may, indeed, have ADHD. NOW…where, oh where, is it written that having ADHD gives you a pass to hit your mother and call her filthy names? Where is it written that he doesn’t have to mind, and that he gets to have melt-downs and throw hissy fits with impunity? Think of other adult authority figures in his life–people with whom he has a vested interest in staying in their good graces–does he treat his Little League coach like that? How about his Sunday School teacher? Somehow I doubt it. Having ADHD may, indeed, make it a little harder for the boy to remember whom he is talking to and filter his responses–but that means he needs to learn to be especially careful and needs MORE structure and accountability, not less. And the LAST thing he needs is someone telling him he has some disorder, blaming it on the meds, and giving him an excuse to act up.

B. You stated that your son continued this tirade for AN HOUR AND A HALF–and that he let you know that it would continue until he got his way. Let’s be reasonable here: flashes of anger do not last for an hour and a half. And if he had the presence of mind to let you know that he would continue this garbage until you gave in, then he most definitely did NOT do this because his medicine needs adjusted–he did this because he believed it would work. At this point, his medicine does not need to be adjusted; it’s his entire child-to-parent paradigm that needs to be adjusted. This behavior is a choice on his part, and you need to treat it as a choice.

C. You let us know that you “did not yell back or hit”. Okay…so what consequences DID you provide? Did you provide any at all? Because ADHD or no ADHD, when he pulls stunts like this, you need to be making him one sorry little boy. This is outrageous…you SHOULD BE outraged–and he ought to KNOW you’re outraged! At the bare minimum, he ought to be grounded to his room and lose his electronics privileges for a lengthy period of time–and really, I’m being generous. I’m not sure you are really grasping just how outrageous this whole thing is.

Please…for the sake of this little boy who, God willing, is going to group up to be a teenager (for you to raise), a young man (who will need to make a living, marry a nice girl, and raise a family), and become a full-fledged adult, lower the proverbial boom on this, NOW. Don’t wait for things to get worse–if he is hitting you, cussing at you, throwing baby tantrums at seven years of age, and threatening to keep it up till he gets what he wants, then things are already terrible and you should not be living this way or putting up with it. I think your boy needs to see a whole new side of his mother…one he possibly never knew existed.