I’ve seen the tough love approach not work many times in our family. We have a few professional couch surfers still going nowhere at age 40+. Some people will always need help from others to get through life. The success stories we’ve had (from going nowhere fast, to managing their own lives well) happened when a non-parent mentor noticed their strengths, they then saw something in themselves, and developed the resolve to improve their lives. How to find a mentor? This is a pot-shoot. I guess try to get your son out in the world as much as possible, be it church, volunteering, fun classes, etc. until something clicks and the right person comes along. Getting him more physically fit will help immensely, is there any activity the two of you can do together? It would help both your stress levels. You may want to go to counseling yourself, if he won’t go. Keep positive, keep on hoping for the best. It’s amazing that he made it through college…one step at a time. Take care of yourself.