Reply To: So discouraged with no one to talk to

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Hi sounds difficult. I was diagnosed at age 47. Diagnosis has been a relief and explained a lot. But I felt low for a while too and resentful that no one had told me earlier. I reflected on many lost opportunities, rather than on future possibilities and hope. I realise now a year on that this was part of natural grieving and then accepting diagnosis.

I have been unable to have children or long term relationships I think largely because of undiagnosed ADHD and autism. I am not close to family either. They know I’m diagnosed and on meds but thats as far as conversations go. It can feel lonely at first.

Your therapist doesn’t sound great, if you are finding their advice unhelpful! I would say tell them that, I assume you are paying for the sessions! I went to a therapist who told me he didn’t think I had ADHD so I chose not to continue with sessions.

Coming to terms with a lifelong diagnosis and brain difference is hard!!!! There is more ongoing community support for adults with autism in the UK than for us with ADHD. The self critic can be a big problem for us because we ve been criticised most of our lives!

I found that ‘coming out’ to colleagues and telling them about certain work adjustments was helpful but needs to be carefully planned and isn’t for everyone. We are covered under the Disabilities Act I think which is a positive! There is 1 work colleague who I trust and is more of a friend who I can talk more to but never in huge detail.

So yes coming to terms with diagnosis can be tough and feel lonely. But there is hope! I have found this site so helpful with lots of hopeful articles, these forums, webinars, a regular meditation practice, and regularly trying to notice and change my self critical thoughts.

Learning as much as I can about ADHD has helped hugely. 3 books I liked ‘Focused Forward’ ‘the Gift of Adult ADD’ and ‘Cognitive Behavioural Therapy for Adult Adhd’. Plus this website.

Over time you will get a sense of who to tell and who not to. And explore your interests and creativity! I am creative and sporty and am slowly finding people with my interests who don’t judge me. We share common interests and meet for coffee now and then.

I hope that your life opens out and your confidence builds. We all need to feel connected, and maybe you can flourish from now on beyond the boundaries of your marriage, and begin to love who you are as a person.

Us with ADHD were born with different wiring, life has been harder for us, therefore we deserve to feel proud and confident! We are creative and innovative if only we can realise these qualities!

Good luck. Take it slowly. Do lots of reading. Explore your interests and strengths. Your life might well change for the better….