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Dave123
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My highest strength on the Gallup strength finder is that of the Restorative which basically translates to I observe and fix problems.

I thing this occurs for a number of reasons and dopamine is one of them.

At least with how we relate to “fixing people” and ourselves. I know it’s importamt to understand our attatchment style. A large number of us fall into the “Fearful-Avoidant” or “Anxious-AVoidant” attatchment style. Overall I was reading some studies on ADHD and attatchment style and about 82% of us fall into the insecure attatchment areas.

It’s characteristic for us to walk around with shame internally weather for feeling like we don’t control our selves or any umber of the other 6000 reasons we can come up with. When things are going well it’s easy to ignore these issues deep inside us. They tend to create various problems for us that compound other issues when they aren’t going well.

Self acceptance of our flaws and strengths as a whole is a foundational skill for happiness and focus in life. Yet 9/10 people report they rather suck at it. (And let’s be honest, we may ignore things but not truly accept them or we may have stumbled upon some of these answers anyway. I thought I did previously but found my self reverting during a dificult part of life. What this showed me was I needed to take this stuff more seriously so that I could move forward.

Ultimately if we don’t have a love for ourself, we constantly will see negative things in others. Also it is this fog that I never saw through till I did headspaces “relationship” meditation pack that trained compassion for the self and others. I remember doing this and feeling like I had finnally seen through that fog that was the “slightly negative”. “people fixer” which I the. Realized was based out of a lack of compassion and secure feeling in my self”

This sounds a bit deep and weepy i Dmitry. But what seemed to happen that’s led me on this was a series of chance encounters that have basically created a whole year where it caused me to learn more about my self from different perspectives and even in relationships on top of the fact that I’ve meditated for 106 days in a row.

We run forward full strength in life accomplishing and knocking down any goal we get our selves engadged with. Even if we can go into areas and start as the underdog and come out after showing that we became number one in various arenas through our intense hyperfocus and attention to detail that occurs when we are engadged. At a certain point I believe we either have the privledge to hit a wall prior to really setting our lives up or we hit one years later not realizing so much about life. As if we are lucky we are able to learn about it refuse to give up and be open to understanding the many things we inadvertently ignored about our selves.

I have found the following things helpful
1. Meditation (I use headspace)
2. Has a year of getting out of a 7 year relationship ship and then went into 2 shorter ones over the course of the next year with cvery different people – 1- a smart engineer who came down with major depression ( in hind sight this showed me the extent of anxiety and insecurity I can feel in a relationship due to the attatchment style) -2- a female version of me who had a kid and had a life that mirrors d mine in so many ways it was hard to let it go. Difference was she was a female version of me who had been through 10 years in therapy and came out of it pretty awesome and impressive. THIs was at a point where my life had kinda fallen apart career wise the day before meeting her. She was ok with my situation as she hadn’t been there before which felt good. We only lasted a month but it showed me things I needed to see that with the right work I could feasibly have as well. She also over the phone when a kid got tantrum Inc how she instead of trying to quiet him down showed me how she helped him identify his feeling and lable it and then get distance from it. (Rule of emotions is you can’t ignore them, they come back later through{emotional leakage). But I remember hearing her lead him through that and just feeling like “my god, that’s what I want in a mother to my children because I could only imagine Had I had that.
3. Joining therapy ( I teach kids to realize that we don’t need specific issues or diagnosis for this, think of them as performance coaches. Michael Phelps even sees one and explains they help him to reach higher than ever before.)
4. I decided there was nothing wrong with doing both audio books and actual books/ebooks of the same books as long as they helped me to get through info faster and more richer. So I listened to audio book and then went back and am
Looking over and revieweing the physical book to make highlights and absorb the material better.
5. I read listened to “emotional Agility” this I have found to be amazingly important book to have down. I think of it like my bible for life now. The biggest rule of emotions is that we process them the way our parents did themselves.(I dont Know about you but i has a couple alarm bells go off in my head when I first read that… clearly most of us have at least a couple of gaps in properly handling emotions. This book is the model for our emotional life. st become the skills I am embracing in my self, relationship and with kids of mine (future) and those I meet along the way.
6. “How emotions are made” Lisa Feldman Barret.
This is facinating way to view emotions and it fits with in the model of “emotional agility”. The crazy thing is there is no I have thing as universal emotions and yet the emotional granularity we demonstrate in life has hiluge impacts in how we live our life , train our brain to respond to our enviroment and even weather or not we have a 30% higher risk for depression and anxiety.
Lisa Feldman Barret has a Ted talk that was interesting and an article as well on Ted ed. I look forward to really going through this.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by Dave123. Reason: My name is in my email
  • This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by Penny Williams.