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There is a bit to unpack here, but I’ll do my best. To start, I think you should be reevaluated by a psychiatrist. Whatever diagnoses you had as a kid, it may have been a misdiagnoses. Whether or not you want to go the medication route, should that be recommended based on a new evaluation, it would still be helpful to know the particular issues you’re dealing with. I can definitely see signs of anxiety and depression in what you’ve wrote, and those can be primary conditions, or they can be symptoms of another condition like ADHD.
I also sense, and I mean no offense by this, that you’re behind in science literacy. That is the case with most Americans regardless of any mental health issues. The information you’re quoting above is derived from propaganda, not scientific understanding. Such propaganda comes from industries that are selling “health” products that aren’t confirmed through science to work (supplements, herbal remedies, acupuncture, homeopathy, some factions of psychotherapy, etc.) and thus they have a vested interest in confusing people about science. The techniques they use are two-fold, science-denial (calling science itself into question, without offering anything more reliable), and pseudoscience (using methodologies that look a lot like science, but careful examination reveals many deceptions and logical fallacies).
I will address some of your concerns. Dextroamphetamine and Methamphetamine are similar, but they are not the same. The slightest difference in molecules makes a huge difference in effects and side effects. Both are available by prescription for ADHD, but Methamphetamine is rarely used; not because of safety issues, but because of public opinion.
When it comes to toxicity, the substance doesn’t matter, it’s the dose. Even water is toxic if you take it in high enough doses. Another example, chlorine is not only safe to drink in small amounts, it’s healthy to drink in small amounts in water because it rids drinking water of disease causing microbes. But if you drank pure chlorine, it would kill you pretty quickly.
The horror stories you hear about amphetamines come from people who abuse it and take very high doses of it. At prescribed doses, it is very safe. In fact, it’s safer than having untreated ADHD, where we know one’s quality of life is reduced (as you’ve pointed out about your own) and their chances of early death are greatly increased.
ADHD is a real condition that is confirmed through several independent lines of evidence, including genetic markers that predict it, brain scans that show it, and identified behavior patterns that demonstrate it. They all line up and confirm each other. It’s also worth noting that ADHD has been identified and studied since 1775. Stimulants were first discovered to be an effective treatment in 1936; but it took “Big Pharma” until the 1970s to actually offer them for ADHD treatment. Meanwhile, doctors were prescribing it for ADHD anyway, which helped confirm its effectiveness. This is not a conspiracy from Big Pharma. Yes, they are profiting from it, but that in and of itself is not evidence of malicious manipulation. It’s only evidence of opportunism, which is valid behavior in a capitalist system.
Yes, there are people with untreated ADHD who seem to find an area of success in their life. This is a result of hyper-focus. ADHDers can become highly skilled and focused in a particular area, but that doesn’t mean they cured their ADHD. I will bet everything I own that the big successful entrepreneurs you hear about are either lying, or are only successful in the workplace. Which is to say, their home life is probably a mess, their personal relationships probably suck, and their work relationships may suffer as well. In short, anecdotes don’t tell us anything about what is true or false about anything. That is why we have the scientific method to sort out fact from fiction.
One final note: I think you may be malnourished, which will make all the issues you’re dealing with even more difficult. A vegan diet can be healthy, but it takes a lot of work to ensure you’re getting all the proper nutrition. Given that you’ve stated you’re not eating much, and given that you’ve stated you lack motivation, I think you’re hurting yourself with veganism. Medically speaking, there is no diet fad that is proven healthier than any other. Special diets are only ever recommended when there is a medical condition that is better suited for a special diet. Outside of that, science tells us that you should eat a varied diet that’s mostly plant based but includes meats and can include dairy. Eating processed foods and meats in moderation is fine. And if it gets you to eat, do it.
Find the web site called “science based medicine dot org” (Google that). It will provide science based information on diet and mental health concerns.