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I’m in the same situation, I was diagnosed at age 36, and my husband at 37-38. Mine is more pervasive, though, plus I grew up in a household with narcissistic parents, so that’s a double whammy on my self-esteem. I find that being each other’s “body double “ helps.. that’s when you and your partner agree to be in the same room with each other, working on separate “parallel “ tasks. It gives each of you company and increases accountability. I feel more productive somehow when I’m working near or next to someone. We decided a few years ago that we’re not big chore-doers and have delegated that stuff to a twice-monthly professional house cleaner. That lights a fire in us every other Wednesday evening to “straighten up” and de-clutter before she comes Thursday morning because she can do her job better if we do that, plus we have just enough shame about how we live, motivates us to “clean up for company.” We’re also in weekly couples therapy, which is helping organize our issues and talk openly in a safe and structured setting about topics that cause too much defensiveness when we try to broach them on our own at home. Mind you, we have our good days and bad days regardless of how many supports we have in place, but when that Thursday therapy appointment rolls around each week, we at least know we have a forum where we can process it all. It makes it more hopeful and a little less overwhelming, at least. Hope this helps, and good luck navigating this mine field.. you’re not alone!