Reply To: Struggling with motivation, relaxing, and focus

Home Welcome to the ADDitude Forums For Adults Struggling with motivation, relaxing, and focus Reply To: Struggling with motivation, relaxing, and focus

#90794
rebell90
Participant

The chronic boredom like feeling and the always worried I’m focusing on the wrong thing is totally apart of my adhd!! Like I hesitate to start anything, out of fear it’ll be a waste on time and not lead to anything fun and innovated and imaginative, so I bounce around (usually in regards to my studying of computer programming and machine learning math stuff—self taught and have a job jn the field, but I have to learn on my own bc a six time college dropout , usually for those same reasons of feeling like a waste of time plus in tech world degrees valued less than experience). Anyway, I’ll start doing self study on my own time, and constantly start a class then say “omg this is not what I want” or “ok this is ok but what if I should be studying something better I haven’t found yet” or “this is fun but williy Be relavemt to my job” or “this is amazing, and it’s same methods as my job but application more awesome! And could be part of on one day, OR a career of my own I.e I live internet of things with healthcare and Ggenomoc data science, but do business data science now)…and I’ll be like, what if I Mercer pursue this, ala it’s a waste of time and should be doing work” and then also worry the opposite! You know how much time I waste bouncing around? Then I get angry at myself and stop altogether. Chronic impending anxiety if doing wrong things than what I want to do, and apathy thinking nothing is stimluating enough. Actuly, adding a second adderral xr j take after my afternoon run (which I take run after first wears off) helped me sleep better and be more rational! I take the second Xr at 6 Pm, asleep like a baby by midnight lol. I didn’t think I needed the med at my home life, well I was wrong. Everyone noticed I was more yhroghtful. In the past doca thought my racing barons was bc of the stimulant in the Am, and so they decreased and added strong sedatives at night and it made me worse. Who woulda though at second one and ThAT late would HeLP me sleep!! I waste less time lolli-gagging, so I don’t get as mad at myself!!!!!!! I’ve even skipped it and don’t sleep. If I miss my 6 Pm time I said “I should skip” and it kept me up until 4a bc I skipped it!!! Happened again later, and I tried to skip, and was erratic and awful adhd rebound. 8 pm, and my bf said “Becca you can’t skip it!!” Took it, asleep by 10.
You are not alone in the “fear of wasting time”. And now I know neither am I!’