Thank you for this, your story gives me a lot of hope! You described a lot of the frustration that I’ve experienced my whole life – tons of potential, very intelligent, good at lots of things, and yet I just could never get my life to “work.” I could do a job very well and impress everyone… for a while; but inevitably my performance and effort would slide to the point where I was procrastinating on everything and then throwing it together at the last second. No matter how hard I tried, the millions of promises I’ve made myself that this time it will be different, I just couldn’t ever get it together. I started to become resigned to the reality that I will go through my life as a bundle of huge potential that just never amounted to anything. I hated myself for this but my best efforts to change got me nowhere. I constantly imagined the disappointment of all the people who have known me, who know that I am capable of so much, and yet they see my potential amounting to nothing.
I’d been seeing a counselor for a few months about depression intense anxiety. One week he dropped the bomb on me that many of the symptoms I talk to him about sound like problems with ADHD rather than anxiety or depression. At first I balked at this notion, but testing proved that I was off the charts in all areas. I was prescribed adderall and hoped that it would help me concentrate to be able to get more things done… and that happened, but the main effect was that it wiped away all of my symptoms of depression and anxiety. It sounds crazy, and I still don’t believe it myself sometimes, but treating my ADHD has largely cured my depression and anxiety.
I know that the meds won’t get me organized and fix my life… I have to do that. but like you, I have so much desire to change and have spent so much time trying to improve myself and get organized, that I hope the medication will be the catalyst to make it all work… as long as I put in the effort.
Anyway, thanks for your great story and know that you have helped me a lot!