Sorry it’s so bad for you Butterfly. Loving all of the thoughtful responses. I’m new to this site. I just self diagnosed ADHD,at age 56, .. checked off 22 of 21 symptoms, I also have rejection sensitive dysphoria. Lots of AHA moments. I have struggled my whole life.. job losses .. etc. Saving grace has been humor and optimism, and talking to myself about how badass I must be to be able to cope. I have never been, nor do I want to be medicated.
I would be careful about meds .. be sure they are not causing the depression and suicidal thoughts. I lost my sister three years ago.. she was bi-polar.. I believe the meds did much more harm than good.
If you can, speak to a therapist that fully understands ADHD. That might be most helpful. Reach out to local groups that might be able to help in the short term.. my worst times were when funds were low. Reading about ADHD is helpful, just be sure not to isolate yourself. I wish you the best.