Hello yes I can give you hope I hope! I was diagnosed at 46. It came as a huge shock with sadness, loss and anger that no one had told me sooner. I work in healthcare and watched students I have trained up over years get promotions above me, be able to move to a decent house, have an intimate relationship and have children, not get bullied by others, be tactful around their boss, and not hold a constant fear of getting sacked etc etc. Due perhaps to adhd i realise now and my executive brain function differences, I have not managed to achieve any of those things…yet.
Since diagnosis I now try to say “well done” daily at least, and remind myself of what I can rather than can’t do. I garden at an allotment, walk in nature when I can, and meditate and remind myself often of the beauty around me like a bird singing or the groundedness of my feet as I walk.
Diagnosis has helped me to silence the 46 year old v loud self critic at last and tell myself each day instead “you have really struggled. Well done for tidying that drawer, making that phone call etc Well done for not giving up and for still being here right now doing the best you can.” I recognise that I am actually tougher than most, absolutely not a failure!
Getting out in nature as often as I can makes me feel grateful and connected to my heart rather than my head. Mindfulness practice is a daily saving grace, and exercise too.
Please seek help from professionals if you are suicidal. Just because we have adhd doesn’t mean we don’t also sometimes get depressed and need an urgent appointment. One of the adhd medications also made me depressed so don’t ignore that, get help.
We are amazing, we have struggled undiagnosed with a different brain structure in a neurotypical world since birth. Wow! We so deserve praise and love starting with love for ourselves at long last. If like me there is no one else there to praise me, I make sure I praise myself… daily!
Look into mindfulness at some point too it changed my life by helping to build self-compassion and learn ways to stop the incessant Thought Train which is 20 x worse for those of us with adhd.
I wish you luck, please don’t give up, others have so much to learn from your strength and resilience through your life and struggles. You and i are truly amazing and tough we must remember that…daily!!
Take care too.