Reply To: I feel like I am being excluded at work

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If you want to be included in something, it’s up to you to insert yourself and be noticed. And it’s important to be easy to be around, which isn’t always easy for us ADHDers.

I’m actually trying to work on being more social. In the past, I had a tendency to just hide myself away and not socialize much outside of the necessary stuff I had to do for work because I was too afraid of accidentally offending someone or talking to much about myself, etc. At my last district, I was in a very toxic environment where even the administrators were bullies and the other teachers would snub you or report you to administration for very ignorant things. In that case, I had to hide out because I had no idea who I could trust and who I couldn’t.

When I changed districts, I found this one to actually be more welcoming and people are generally more helpful and friendly, and that’s usually the case with my colleagues. I really haven’t not gotten along with anyone. I was also diagnosed with ADHD-PI just before I started working there (this will be my third year), and I decided I would try to work on social interaction more. In my case, my awkwardness and being left out has usually had something to do with me directly, but no one ever has the gall to tell me what I did wrong. I’m trying to be easy to be around, as you say, and to put myself out there, but inside, I’m anxious and continually analyzing my behaviors during interactions in the back of my mind.

But their behavior was just odd to me. Normally, these people are friendly toward me. On Day 1, I actually had to text someone to ask where they were going for lunch. They left the room without bothering to tell me where they were going. When I was at lunch with my colleagues, hardly anyone had anything to say to me. Then on Day 2, it was a similar scenario. Left without telling me where they were going before telling me at the last second and then when I showed up, no one offered much conversation. I tried to contribute to the conversations when I could (we were in a larger group and I don’t do well in a larger group). They way they left me behind, though, made me feel like they purposefully didn’t want to include me.