I faked it for decades before I hit the wall of anxiety and depression.
Having come from a family with a variety of psychological problems (many probably related to ADHD), I felt like I was the “lucky” one.
After more than 10 years of dealing with those symptoms, my therapist suggested ADHD and I got the diagnosis last month. It’s been a godsend.
To echo the others here, see a professional as soon as possible.
You seem to feel the stigma that society puts on differences and that is natural. A therapist can help resolve that. Meds help and skills for dealing are available. You can get back into life.
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