Reply To: 10 year old sad and lonely

#89502
nessy
Participant

I’m so sorry to hear that. I haven’t been in that situation completely, as my daughter is almost 7 and hasn’t yet had the same amount of rejection your boy has so far accrued. 🙁

There’s so much info available online- if you have Pinterest, you can also find info/helps/charts about teaching kids about emotions, self-regulation, social skills, etc. to help him grow his social ability and self-regulation skills. One thing I have found helpful with my ADHDer is role-playing. We have puppets that we role-play emotional situations (imagined or real situations) and we take turns practicing things like sharing, learning how to verbalize what you want/how to express your feelings, what to do when you’re angry, sad, scared, etc.

Also, what about ADHD groups? Find your people! (We just moved and I have yet to find my people). Find local parents with kids with the same issues. Lol It’s so, SO encouraging to be with another Mom who experiences the same things you do- and who doesn’t bat an eyelash at your child when she sees him acting out in ADHD ways. Try looking on Meetup, or check Facebook for ADHD groups.

Last bit of advice, help him find a hobby- or something he can hyperfocus on that excites him- does he like knights and horses? Is he into geology? Drawing/painting? Sports? Science? Building/engineering? Creating? Acting? Cars? Dancing? Bikes? Animals? Is there something he’s shared with you that could be like a project you two (or the family) does together? What about recycling together? You guys can go around and gather recyclables and then turn it in for an ice cream trip! Or what about geocaching? De-cluttering and donating- ADHD kids feel things deeply- and I’ve found them to have such generous hearts. Extend the donating to volunteering together in some way. Basically, what motivates your little guy? Get creative and ignite him with a spark of inspiration and run with it! Even if it sounds outlandish or impossible- do your best to encourage him to be creative and take the lead. If it’s an absolutely unrealistic goal, refrain from ‘no’ but re-frame it through a positive direction- like, if he says “let’s build a tree house!” And right away you think ‘but we can’t afford the wood, nails, tools, etc’ instead of voicing that and turning him down, say something like ‘that would be so fun!! Since we can’t really afford to buy everything we need, how do you think we could get ahold of materials for free? What kinds of things can we use for a roof, wall, door, etc?’ And don’t forget to incorporate your own ideas- try looking for supplies to re-use- Craigslist, salvage yards, stuff people leave beside their trash cans for trash day, etc.
And, if it ultimately turns out to be impossible, like say your boy says he wants to ride a unicorn (yes, I have a daughter haha so this really happened) don’t be so quick to snap him back to reality- daydream with him a bit. No one knows you can really have a pink unicorn to ride on, but everyone can imagine right? Can you imagine how it would feel to have the wind rushing through your hair? To feel fast and free? And what if the unicorn could fly?!?! Wouldn’t flying me amazing? Where would you fly?… etc etc. Taking mental trips can feel just as exhilarating as actually doing the thing you’re imagining about.

I hope that made sense. Lol I kinda wish I were on a flying pink unicorn right now. Anyways, a perk to ADHD is that they can most times be easily re-directed. They get down or sad often, but if you invite them to think a certain way or feel a certain way and you make it fun, they usually hope on board pretty quick.
HTH

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by nessy.
  • This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by Penny Williams.