Holy crap I have no idea how I made it through that message, but I did, lol. I could almost feel the intensity of your anxiety as I was reading it. I 100% agree with the responses of both individuals who already replied. They have given some great advice.
So, here’s the thing…as someone who is 44, have been in a number of jobs myself, and find myself struggling more and more because of my ADD symptoms as I get older, you have to decide where your “peace” place is. If you want the life of constantly being medicated at higher doses to function, forever stressing about your abilities, stressing about your future, whether you’re going to make mistakes, someone taking your job (because none of these things are likely going to go away for you…as this is how your brain is wired), then by golly, go the lawyer route! …I joke, but really, those are all the things I read in your post associated with the law route…and that doesn’t sound like it’s conducive to a healthy mental, social, or physical route (b/c the stress will eventually begin to affect you physically as well).
If you like the structure of the teaching job, it allows you to build positive and encouraging relationships with the students, and opens up opportunities for you to help students who you may notice are going through ADD struggles also and be one of the few teachers who might show them compassion, encourage them, reassure them, and have an impact on their lives, all while NOT stressing over your job every hour of every day, NOT having to take higher doses of medication, being able to have a social life, being able to go home and spend time with your loved ones without having work on the brain and anxiety about what you have to catch up on because you’ve procrastinated so much (again, just the nature of those of us with ADD), having extra time each evening to just do things you enjoy doing because you can finish your teaching work and be done with it until the next day, then go with teaching! and when an opportunity arises to switch to a subject matter you are more passionate about (humanities, history, civics, even possible law aligned classes that Germany may offer…I apologize, as I do not know what subjects are offered to middle and high schoolers there), make the switch! Do they have after school clubs/activities there? If so, use your passion to start a debate club, or law club, where students can learn and participate and you can share your passion for the law and debate with them. This way you get to stay connected with that passion.
Your other option, like has already been mentioned, take the year off and try different jobs to see if there’s anything else that sparks your interest. So what, you lose a year of progressing in the teaching realm. If you feel pretty strongly like there’s still more for you to explore, then do it now. You are still young. You don’t have to be at a certain point in your life by the time you’re 25 or whatever just because society “others” say you should be. You do you dude! Stop worrying about what societies expectations are and go where your gut tells you to go to go. If you are a Christian, pray about it, ask God to guide you, give you clarity, and lead you where He want’s you to go.
Ultimately, in the end, you are the only one that can make the decision of what you are going to do. The good thing is, you’re not a failure just because you did or did not choose one route over another, but evaluate each of the routes. As a matter of fact, take a piece of paper right now, break it into 3 columns and put each of those options at the top of each column and begin making a list of pros and cons for each. More than likely, visually seeing it on paper is going to help you come to the best conclusion for you. If you haven’t done this before, please, seriously do it. It is such a helpful tool.
Finally, my last little point, I couldn’t completely tell if you were against having to take ADD medication altogether, although you know you need it to function, or if you are just opposed to higher doses because of how you feel when you take the higher doses. Just know this, there is absolutely nothing wrong with taking ADD meds and having to be on them to function as neurotypicals do, as we live in a neurotypical world and neurotypical expectations are placed on us, so if your body needs it to function and accomplish tasks that others don’t need the medication for, then oh well, so be it, take the meds. That is the nature of our brain chemistry. The medication helps put us on a level playing field with other individuals who are trying to function in the world….and if you feel like you struggle with those higher doses, you may need to consider trying some other ADD medications, as the one the doctor has you on may not be the one best suited for your body chemistry. Just something to consider.
Well, I don’t know if I have been of any help, but I probably now have a response equally long to your post, all the while avoiding the work that I should be doing right now. 😀 (Ai yai yai) Good luck and let us know what you plan to do.
p.s., I’m not going back to proofread this b/c I know it will take me an extra 20-30 mins literally, and I’m exhausted and I have already spent more time than I should have on the interwebs 😉 Don’t judge me my fellow ADDers. 😀