I had a similar crisis when I finished uni…always found school easy and didn’t start struggling with deadlines/self discipline until my final year…but then I was off the wall with anxiety and panic about what I was going to do with my life. I gave up on being a journalist because I realised a life of deadlines wasn’t going to be doable for me….then I was a teacher for a few years, which was when I finally got an adhd diagnosis!
After that I had about a year of panicking about what career I could have so had 4 unskilled jobs just to pay bills while I was adjusting…..they were all very physical jobs – building sites, cleaning, dog walking…and by sheer coincidence I realised that was what I felt happiest doing! It did suck at first…giving up on an academic sort of career I’d been told to pursue for my whole life….but now.. I don’t feel anxious or out of control very much anymore. I still have an unconventional mish-mash of jobs…. I work with dogs, build and freelance write because I do enjoy nerdy stuff…but once you ignore other people and really think about what works for you, I can promise you it’s so much better than just battling through stress and symptoms to do what you think you should be doing.
Also is it really essential that you decide in the next few days? Is it possible to take a few months working different non-pressured jobs so you can still earn while giving yourself a bit of head space? You sound very much like you’ve been flat out for a long time, which always makes us adhd lot go a bit frantic and unable to think about things objectively. You know like you’re stuck running on a hamster wheel…?
Also also… I really hope you don’t mind me saying because I appreciate some people don’t like taking meds, but I have always found that if I have hated taking meds it means they’re not working….when I’m properly medicated it feels like I’m not medicated, if that makes sense……it just finally felt like someone had flicked a switch in my brain to ‘normal’!
Have you spoken to a doctor and explained what’s going on?
Lots of luck to you, anyway. You’re not alone!