Hi! I can respond to Bert on this- in my state, parents hold decision making in four domains: religious, medical, educational, and extracurricular. These are typically shared, unless you can prove why they shouldn’t be… not an easy feat, unless you have in writing that he refuses.
In my case, my ex also refused to medicate my son (mood stabilizer, later ritalin…) and blamed his behavior on his sister. Luckily, I had a guardian ad litem appointed to the case, as the divorce wasn’t final, and pushed HARD for final decision making in both medical and educational areas. She agreed.
You got solid advice above- I’ll add to communicate with the ex in writing so you have some evidence should you ever want to push for legal decision making rights, here (and the court might side with you, as they’d prefer people comply with a doctor’s orders.. but the courts can also be a PIA and aren’t awesome… it took a pattern of unfollowed judge’s orders and multiple incidents before they seriously considered that he might not be making decisions in my child’s best interest.
To summarize the advice you received I’d thumbs up (there’s a lot!)
Ask your son how he feels on the meds- but only rely on his answer if he isn’t caving to stigma…
Have the IEP require missed doses be given at school, or have the nurse at school give the meds
Teach your son to advocate for himself and also to take his own medication
I can’t imagine confronting your ex, even with facts and figures, will do much good- and in some cases might only make things worse, so I’d handle things knowing any reaction makes him feel in control.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. It sucks, and it’s not co-parenting, and it’s really, really hard. Hang in there.