Hi. I Read your post. It could have been written about my son who is 22 and who has completely lost all his confidence and his belief in himself. He was diagnosed after he failed his 1st year in college (doing a 4 year IT degree)in which he was hugely interested. He tried 2 other courses and worked at very menial jobs but all fell apart. The diagnosis finally gave his Dad (with whom he had a horrible relationship) and me an understanding to a limited level of why he was always chaotic and disorganised and couldn’t stay focused on anything for more than 10 minutes. He has recently moved back home and we are struggling to find a way forward with him and for him. I have read extensively on this since his diagnosis 3 years ago and believe that he has acute anxiety disorder, ODD, ADHD & may have bi-polar at this point in his life. I am happy that he has moved back home and we will enable him (with a requirement to help out at home) for the moment because we know that it will keep him alive. That is my 1st priority. He is opposed to conventional medicines but has smoked weed. I am slowly trying to encourage him to engage with a life coach. He is not open to a counsellor at this time. He tried that in the past and it didn’t work.
Since he was diagnosed, my other 2 adult children were also diagnosed – one with dyspraxia and once with ADHD/executive function did-order. I am on a steep learning curve.
So my advise is to help your grandson by enabling him but do not do things for him. Set up a routine daily that includes 1 hr for searching online for jobs and filling out applications with you sitting alongside to help/guide him. You are already helping him by giving him free lodgings, heat and food. He MUST earn any other treats – just (unfortunately immaturity is part of the adhd cycle) like a child!
I will continue to read advise given to you (& me). I wish you and your grandson all the best. He is lucky to have you covering his back.