Reply To: HELP HELP How to help grandson!!!

Home Welcome to the ADDitude Forums For Parents HELP HELP How to help grandson!!! Reply To: HELP HELP How to help grandson!!!

#87890
exalderan
Participant

First of don‘t listen to the horrible and heartless advices that‘s given by some posters. They didn’t experience true love of a caring grandmother themselves had it rough and now advising you to do the same. Don’t just kick him out, that’s just plain wrong. Sure he will survive but he might as well hang on a needle later or be an alcoholic and homeless forever, yes he could grow up to be a strong person with a hardened
heart but you don’t want that either. Someone said if you’d kick him out and your grandson wouldn’t love you anymore it would just show that he never really did. That is not true, he loves you for who you are and not for being a person who acts an bad advises from random strangers. It would be understandable if he didn’t love you anymore because you kicked him out on the streets in a life of drugs or worse. Not everyone can cope with that the right way. I am a 29yo with severe adhd from germany by the way. I lost my grandmother 2 years ago and I still miss her dearly, she encouraged me to study medicine which I did. When I was still 20 and feeling lost like your grandson, she paid for my rent but said I would have to work for my Food and I was fine with that, so I moved out. I would never have done it without her love and support. What your grandson need the most now is love (which you provide) and guidance (which send missing). If you don’t want to enable him you still have to make some changes. Videogames were my way of coping with stress in life too but a 20yo needs to find new ways to cope with it. He uses the novelty of new games to deal with the stress. First: Don’t provide access to your Credit Card anymore new stuff for his games or pizza orders should be something you reward him with when he did something good or something you wanted him to do like applying for a job. My grandmother aldehyde bribed me into doing the right things and it sure worked. I got pizza and games too but only when I brought good grades in school lost some weight or worked a week while I was studying. I never acted out on her for setting restrictions because she ALWAYS would explain why she wanted it with me and do so in a loving a warm tone. She NEVER scolded me. So that is what you do Second, explaining why you want him to get a job and why he won’t get your credit card anymore until he writes appliances. And don’t provide resources like money outside of shelter and food. He you earn his money even from you. Let him do chores around the house and pay him for doing it, that way he will learn the value of earned money. You seem to be a loving and caring grandmother, just cut back a few ressources and talk a lot with him and it will work out. Also tell him that you asked for help here and what the other posters suggested, but that you won‘t do it if he starts acting. Tell him that you care for his future. Maybe you could try to do the appliances together? Let him write it and if he has a problem you can help him finish a sentence or something like that. Have a great day, I’m sure your grandson will be fine one day.