Reply To: Questions about medication.

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Hi I’m 32 I’ve been diagnosed with adhd since I was 8 years old. I’ve been on Adderall for as long as I can remember 20MG/IR TWO AND A HALF TIMES A DAY SO 50MG IR A DAY 7 DAYS A WEEK. 24 years of amphetamine and now I’m extremely addicted to them. Every month I run out at least a week early because they stop working and I need more and more to get the same effect. The last 10 years have been completed hell. A never ending cycle every month start off taking it how I’m suppose to then about a week into a fresh scrip need more to feel same effects as I did the week before. Before I know I’m double dosing definitely over dosing taking more and more each day. Then comes my greatest fear running out weeks before my next script. I don’t need anybody to tell me I think you’re addicted no fucking shit. I’m more than addicted I am dependent on Adderall just to get out of bed. I know being on Adderall for 24 years has totally fucked my brain structure up. Every month when I run out i go through HELL Yeah meaning withdrawal can’t even get out of bed for days everything becomes pointless and meaningless to me. You couldn’t pay me to get out of bed the first 3 to 4 days of withdrawal I just want to die scared to death to face the world. After the fog clears about a week later I’m in full adhd mode talking to myself out load all day repeating the same shit over and over until I noticed what I’m doing then I tell myself shut the fuck up until I started mumbling and repeating with out realising what I’m doing. Spend so much time just walking in circles inside my house until I realise what I’m doing and hours have already past by spent walking in circles clapping my hand repeating my self. No motivation at all my brains reward system is shot. Everything is pointless until I get that next script shit be like Christmas but the benefits last for about a week then my tolerance levels go up then more more more i need. Have I discussed this with my doctor sure the part about having a higher tolerance and think he should reevaluate my dose he looked in some book said based on my weight I’m at the right dose he can’t up it anymore been same dose for 24 year’s I don’t tell him all the other shit about running out because I take more than I am supposed to and this has been going on 4 the last 10 yeas hell na I be in there like everything is great hurry up and wright me this script so I can go fill it.