It is easy to fall into the enabling trap. Don’t judge yourself harshly. Many times enablers feel guilty, and that’s why they don’t act tougher.
It is also easy to judge people who enable. Come on guys, we all deal with challenges and many times we make decisions that are not that good.
I read the articles suggested. My 13 year old daughter seems to be heading that way. I don’t even pretend to have a right answer, but I do think giving choices helps. She can do homework or read a book. She can go out for a walk or go swimming at our gym.
It is a daily battle. She fights hard not to comply. She throws tantrums at times. Her emotions are extreme. I work on remaining calm and explain her choices. Not angry. Not dismissive. I show empathy (because it does hurt me to see her like this) shecan come up with her own choice, though many times she says she has no clue what the solution to whatever situation she has might be.
Patience. Persistence. Calmness. Clear and specific choices choices.