I don’t have a lot of answers here but will share and you can decide. (Check our Melissa Orlov stuff. She wrote “The ADHD Effects on Marriage.”)
What I understand is it’s critical to have time together where you in your brain put the ADHD stuff on the pack burner, not check under the lid and have some fun as a couple. Leave the house stuff in the pot. Let go for a little while during couple time. Your relationship needs that feeding.
I hate to say it but it’s true, through all time the woman usually through time in Society the woman has been given the majority of the responsibility of the house and kids. So when women work unfortunately in our society most wives run up with this same underlying problem with husbands no matter how many year have passed. You I’m sure would also like to be able to go to work and do as he is doing. Most men don’t have much inclination for domestic responsibilities. The best you can expect is to see what he might actually like doing or not mind the least to do, then he might be less adverse. If they don’t care for the chore it’s less likely he will get it done without all of what your already doing as your likely the more conscientious in your relationship. Its also how men have been brought up in society to do that which you “fight”, hence the double whammy.
Be sure to get a plenty of self nurturing that really nourishes your soul. Reconnect with who you are aside from the ADHD and responsibilities, so you can more easily weather the challenges.
The other is to set up a really friendly ADHD home where things are more easily arranged at home to make storage solutions faster. Open box or selves, hooks instead of folded clothes towels. Easy care clothing. Just 2 colors of socks, same type so that all the same color don’t have to be matched as all are matchs. Allow for bagged salad, bagged precut veggies, precooked food item from grocery store like rotisserie chicken that still give healthy option but make your after work hours easier. Or pay someone to help with house chores or do chores together or side by side. Make life at home less overwhelming. (Books – “Organizing solutions for people with ADHD” by Susan C Pinsky and ADD- Frieendly Ways to Organize Your Life” Judith Kolberg & Kathleen Nadeau and also Terry Matlen “Queen of Distraction”).