If your daughter is “out of control” then she isn’t choosing to harm you or herself. Addiction is a very real problem for many with ADHD, and it’s a disease, not a choice. It’s also a lifelong battle, unfortunately.
I do think her psych needs to know that she’s drinking heavily while taking medication. That could be life-threatening. It sucks that she won’t be prescribed ADHD medication at that point, but it’s necessary to protect her life.
All you can do if offer love and compassion and help if she wants it. Until someone sees a need for change and wants to change, they will not accept help. My recommendation would be to not enable, but don’t turn your back on her either. Be there for her, for when she’s ready.
ADDitude Community Moderator, Parenting ADHD Trainer & Author, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism