I’m curious about why you think it’s the ADD that causes him to antagonize your daughter. It could be. It’s possible that it is because of problems with impulse and the need for drama to feed the need for an adrenaline rush. It’s also possible that your husband has unrelated issues such as the need to be controlling. Or maybe his father was like that. Or maybe he enjoys being a jerk. It might be the ADD. It might not be. I would recommend that he – or the both of you – get counselling and if he refuses, then you have to take control and take a stand. Let him know that you will not tolerate his behavior.
“Well, she can’t act like that? Neither can you. She’s three. You’re the adult. You’re the one that’s supposed to know better.”