Reply To: HELP HELP How to help grandson!!!

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#87449
JBoom
Participant

Yes, you are enabling him. Someone who is able to have a place to sleep in, hang out with friends, and play video games must have some source providing that shelter from real life (i.e., those of us that must support ourselves). I assume that is you, or at least in part you; and if so, cut him off (with proper warning and guidance, of course).

Only he can help him. If you apply for jobs for him and/or write resumes for him, he’ll never appreciate the value of doing those things for himself — and he’ll never appreciate anything that comes from it. Even if he manages to get a job you’ve arranged for him, it most likely won’t last because it wouldn’t have been something he accomplished himself and he’ll know he can just quit it since things are working out just fine without a job.

As a young adult I was a high school drop out living with family members who enabled me to hang around and do nothing. It wasn’t until the last family member kicked me out that I finally woke up and realized I had to figure out how to be an independent adult.

It’s that simple and that hard. The only effective thing you can do is kick him out, let him feel the consequences of not taking care of himself. Of course, this can come with a lot of advice and guidance, but you should not provide any money or place to stay or do any labor for him unless you want him to always be dependent on you. He will survive it, humans are hard wired for survival. And if he stops loving you for it, then never really loved you in the first place. Sure, he’ll be mad, he’ll try everything he can to pull at your heart strings to get you to change your mind. But stick to it and let him fall to rock bottom, the spring board to greatness.

In short, the only support you should provide is information. All the action should come from him, and if you cut him off, he’ll eventually figure it all out. If not, he may need some kind of public assistance to overcome mental health issues.