We were trapped in a circle of increasing escalation until we backed off from the discipline and nagging, but ensured that no amount of her arguments, shouting or procrastinating would get her out of simple reasonable instructions, eg go have a shower.
However small, find things to praise, “I love the way you… even tho it might feel like initially you are handing out the last piece of good behaviour for her to screw over. Also make time for each other alone…hair cut, manicure, coffee, op shopping, walk, swim, playground or bike, scooter, ride, places where she’s so busy and engaged she’ll have no chance to misbehave. I found that not asking questions about their actions also helped with the lying…but only if you are certain of your facts. “I saw you do … or I know it was you who took …” followed with a simple restatement of household rules, and finished off with a solution, eg “Here is something to clean up with” Or if she has returned the stolen item, show you have authority by giving it back to to her…within reason!! After that, resit the urge to get drawn into any arguments with her, but immediately change the subject of conversation, preferably to something she’s interested in and will give her a chance to engage with you in a positive way. Unfortunately, regular methods of punishment seems to feed the ODD “injured poor me”…and initially feels like she’s getting away with misbehavior. Truly a case of love conquers all!..but slowly you will find things to love about her…in onw week, she’ll be a different person!!