ADHD is a genetic disposition! It’s so frustrating when people dismiss physiological differences as behavioral issues. It’s a lack of education, and way more hurtful than they understand. I second the notion of counseling, especially if he’s following his dad’s lead.
I haven’t had much luck convincing others that my ADHD was real. What has helped me deal with it is my own acceptance of it. I used to hate my ADHD, but now I love it! 🙂 Anyone who loves me HAS to love my ADHD. It dictates so much of who I am. There’s no separating the two. It’s what makes me creative, fun, compassionate, a good friend. There are so many positive traits that come with it. We’re all a little wacky, too! 😉
I found that, when I stopped focusing on the things I did wrong (which still seems to be constant), and started focusing on what I did right, other people seemed to notice them less, or at least care about the mistakes less. There’s always something to be proud of yourself for, especially if you are trying as hard as it sounds like you are trying. Sometimes, just getting out the door with both shoes on is a triumph! 😀
Slowing down helped too. Overwhelm is exhausting, easy to get into, and makes my symptoms worse. When I stopped apologizing for the little things I couldn’t help, and genuinely apologized for the ways my ADHD affected those close to me, that seemed to help a little, too.
One last thought, if your son is getting frustrated with his dependence on you to do/remember things, maybe he could take on a little more responsibility for those things? It would take a little off your plate and give him a little more control over the things he needs to do. May ease a little of the tension?
Hope that helps! 🙂