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That is definitely a challenging situation. I didn’t say impossible, I said challenging- mainly Bc you both have your own issues going on and they’re each agitating the issues in one another. If you want to try to make it work, my advice would be to see a counselor, individually and together to find out about yourselves better and know how you operate and understand how each other operates to be able to find ways to compromise on things.
IMHO, the reason people experience conflict is due to lack of communication (true), but also lack of empathy and taking personal responsibility for ones own shortcomings, while not seeking healthier ways to manage self/compromise.
Basically, it’s a two-way street. Give and take. You can’t be the only one trying to manage your ADD. And you mentioned he drinks a lot- is that His way of ‘treating’ his OCD and depression? That’s not a very effective treatment plan and won’t produce desired results in the long run. Having said that, just because he might not want to get healthier doesn’t mean you can’t make positive changes in your own life. Sometimes one person changing and getting themselves healthy and refusing to participate in those downspiraling cycles is enough to be the catalyst for positive change/growth in the other person. (Huge side-note: You CANT change anyone but yourself. Influence is not the same as manipulation. One comes from a personal choice while another is forced upon.)