Reply To: Dating a Man with ADHD — my anxiety has spiked, seeking advice please.

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Zkak – Thank you so much for your response! My apologies for not responding sooner, typically, I get an email notice that someone has responded, but oddly, it didn’t come through or must have been re-routed. It sounds like you’re similar to me. I love companionship and it’s hard for me to give it up with someone I have a very strong connection with. Sadly, I don’t have the ability to reach out to his immediate family because they haven’t been very warm towards me and have a lot of issues going on there. His twin is getting married to one of the most toxic, manipulative, dysfunctional women I’ve ever met. Which, spills onto the family and is one reason I’m bailing. I’ve tried connecting with his mother, but she doesn’t reciprocate it, so I would feel uncomfortable reaching out now about the ADD…plus, it’s not really my place anymore. The crying and frustration you mention is what I have been going through for MONTHS.

I know this can’t be healthy. I’m not my best self. I still love this man even though he just moved out. I fell in love with him and our adventures and all the good that he does. Simple things like making the bed every day because he knows I loved it, etc. BUT <—— I always put emphasis on that…I can’t love this disorder because it has turned me into a depressed, anxious, mess. I have to worry about taking him out in public (sounds ridiculous) because he goes on tangents about things nobody can follow. We were together a little over a year and ever since November/December I started to feel like I was having doubts, second-guessing, getting scared, and concerned with a lifetime of this disorder. I didn’t realize ADD/ADHD was a legit thing until I met him. It’s really just tore us apart. AND…HE CANT HELP IT. : ( I mean, he could, if he would try some meds, but he’s very anti-meds.

John ended up moving out this weekend and we both sobbed for hours. It was so painful and I ended up having to turn away and leave the house because all we were doing was bawling and holding each other. You mentioned demons and holy shit, all I can say is that the demon is definitely ADHD in this case. He cancelled his appointment to learn about medication options and that concerned me. I want him to at least try all of his options, but I can’t tell him what to do or force it upon him. I’m having a hard time today functioning, as expected, and I do really miss him. We both had a seriously insane connection, and we still do, but, the ADHD was consuming me, making my anxiety flare-up like no other, and now I don’t have to deal with his dysfunctional family. I am however scared to ever consider dating again, because the passion we had even POST break-up was insane. We’ve always had a solid connection. My therapist said it best, “it sounds like you and he do just fine when it’s the two of you, but when others are involved, that’s when there are issues…” totally accurate.

Whether we end up back together will depend if he gets treatment and if we give each other the space we both immensely need. We still love each other and I know I’m still hooked on him. He texted me last night telling me how much he missed me. I ended up getting very little sleep from the stress of this all. I find that the only way I am able to cope is if I’m constantly doing something. Otherwise, I find myself googling articles to try and figure out why I feel the way I do. I have ZERO interest in dating any other man honestly. If John and I don’t get back together, I will be remaining single for quite some time to heal.

Thanks again so much for responding to me. It makes me not feel so alone.