Home › Welcome to the ADDitude Forums › For Spouses & Loved Ones › If you could go back in time and do it all over again, would you? › Reply To: If you could go back in time and do it all over again, would you?
Reflect on who you are. If you are a size 5 shoe and the relationship is a size 10 shoe, the shoe does not fit without A LOT of compromise, uncomfortableness and pain.
If you are not a person whose strengths include being very adaptable, unlimited patience, unlimited willingness to understand someone else, has amazing self-esteem, self-reliant who does not almost anything from their partner like dependability, stability, consistency, etc., then IMO, this is NOT the relationship for you.
Long story short, I would not do it all over again. We are both wonderful people who have a lot to offer, but for many reasons for us it does not work. No matter how much I read about ADHD, how much I was flexible, clarified expectations, wrote it down, scheduled, left reminders, directly asked for things and worked on plans together, it would not work enough to remain consistent and make a real difference. IMO there is such a thing as “too little too late”. While I genuinely believe my ADHD spouse is trying very hard, the distractions and inability to bounce back from them meaningfully is ultimately going to be the formal end of our marriage in the near future.